There will be bad days

It just stinks knowing that there will be bad days.  Regardless of how awesome the good days are, there will come many more times where we start to feel defeated and where the tears will flow.

This has been a rough week.  While I want to say I am grateful that my mom's amputation is over, it was a crappy day and didn't go very smoothly.  Luckily she remembers nothing from the actual surgery, but the many hours leading up to it were rough.  Half of her foot was amputated.  I think there was part of me that wanted them to say we had time to wait to save it, but unfortunately, we don't have time on our side.  To move forward with the transplant evaluation, she can have no other outstanding health issues. The risk of infection as we wait for the foot to grow new tissue is just too high.  So we march on, or hop on as she now tries to do.  Hopefully she can start learning to walk again once she can bear weight on her foot on Sunday.

Before the surgery I stole my husband's tactful joke and told my mom she is now officially a "no toe.".  My last name is Noto.  She responded and told me she is only half of a Noto because she is still holding onto those other five toes.  I'm glad we can still laugh in the middle of our crap.

Since the surgery we were told we would move to rehab when there is a bed, but have taken a few steps back, so the soonest we will go is Monday.  First we need to figure out why my mom is so nauseous and why her blood pressures were low again.  We are guessing it is from all the pain medicine, which it makes it tricky to pick your poison.  Please pray for pain relief as we start to move forward with rehab and life.

We are incredibly grateful that the same rehab is taking my mom back as a patient, and it was so hard to hear it get pushed back until Monday.  I want my mom to be close again.  I want more people to be able to visit her.  And I want her to take steps to come home.  I want to see her somewhere other than a hospital bed.

So she will have another right cardiac cath today to be able to measure the pressures in her heart and make sure the meds for her heart failure are on the right track.

Mentally we are hitting the end of our rope this week.  She doesn't want to go back to the cath lab.  I don't blame her.  I think it will be different once she is home and can build up her reserves and those tests are only one day outpatient events where she then gets to return to her own bed.

In the mean time I'm trying to hold onto the humor.  To hold onto the belly rubs.  To hold onto the times I get to snuggle in my mom's bed with her.

This week I'm trying to celebrate our sweet babe to be.  Pregnancy has definitely not been on the forefront of my mind.  I had a great plan to go two weeks past my due date, because at this point, it just seemed better for baby to be in, than out.  Well we had to take that plan off the table this week and I will get to see my Dr. a bit more often than I had hoped.  Good thing I really like him. It has been the biggest blessing to work with the people that will bring your child into this world, and for them to all know what is happening in the rest of your life.  Everything is fine with the babe, just needing to watch a bit closer.

Really it is probably for the best.  It is a good thing for me to focus on.  It is a good thing for me to start coming to grips with the fact that regardless of what is going on with my mom, I will still be bringing a new babe into the world.

Jon and I have always been creeped out by the 4D ultrasound images and videos.  I am totally OK with having no clue as to what my child will look like until I see them for the first time.  At the follow up ultrasound they try to get you a 4D image, because they are nice like that.  I didn't really care if we got one or not.  Ironic that our peanut cooperated so well.

We were so blessed at our shower on Sunday.  As soon as I get the pictures I will post more.  Thank you in advance for all who came and all who loved on our unborn. In times like these we are incredibly grateful to have such supportive family and friends.