September 14

Lesson number one. Do not post pictures of your new nephew on Facebook without clarifying that said child does not belong to you.  Whoops.  Can we just say pregnancy brain?  He is cute none the less.  Hello little, pensive Jude.

I, however, am still pregnant, fortunately.  

We have a date.  A very tentative, could change at any time date.  But I will take it and love it regardless.  Friday September 14 is the day my mom is tentatively going to be discharged from the hospital. 

Cue the "Hallelujah" chorus.

I cannot wait to see my mom in a setting other than a hospital room. Like literally, could pee my pants if it could happen tomorrow.  In the same breath, I am petrified as to what it looks like for our family to figure out how to care for her at this stage.  She will need someone in the house around the clock in the beginning.  

Because of the condition of her heart they only want her walking a max of 50 feet.  No extra walks, jaunts, or outings, which is kind of hard to swallow when I think about my mom before the heart attack.  Life is different.  Not bad, not worse, just different.  These are the cards that have been dealt, and I can figure out a good poker face and strategy or I can let myself be eaten by the card shark.  It's my choice.  So I will sing Lady GaGa's poker face at the top of my lungs and choose to focus on the good.  

I will choose to celebrate that my mom will leave the hospital.

I will choose to celebrate that my mom will be able to see the birth of my child, even if she can't come to my shower.

I will choose to celebrate that my babe will have four grandparents, and not three.  

I will choose to celebrate the fact that I am still pregnant and healthy.

I will choose to celebrate my husband who has stood firmly by my side for significantly more than he realized he signed on for.

I will choose to celebrate my family and friends who have rallied around us during this time.

I will choose to celebrate love and life, for we have both. 

There will be more good days and there will be more bad days.  

It was hard to see my mom today.  She feels like crap.  She is super nauseous and because of the nausea, they have decreased her pain medications, so she has a lot of pain too.  So we cried and snuggled a bit.  But overall, I am hopeful.  While she feels like crap, she was able to walk today.  She is making strides.  Her body is tired and it is learning to readjust. Endurance is not built in a day. So instead of being overwhelmed by her bad day, I am going to choose for me to be OK so that I can continue to support her and love her.  

Today for me was a really good day, because we got a date.