We were not chosen for the child we pursued. Neither was the other family. The committee came back and said that because of the extent of potential unknowns with this babe, they think a family with experience in international adoption and special needs would be the best fit.
It has taken me awhile to write this post, as we have known since last week, because it's hard to share heart ache in a vulnerable but constructive way when you are fresh in the dumps. And, because I try to not use some of the choice words I was using in private on the interwebs.
I am not crushed about not being matched with that child, per se. What I feel most sad about... is feeling like after reading all the charts, and saying all the prayers, and having all the conversations, we felt so much peace about moving forward. Yet this is the ending. There have only been a handful of times in my life that such crazy decisions felt so crazy clear. Was I hearing it wrong? Did the plan change? Is my heart meant to endure more pain to get to the place where it needs to be?
Who the h. e. double hockey sticks knows. I have no clarity here. They say there will be clarity and understanding when you have YOUR child. Can't wait for that peace of mind likely in another 6-9 months. Sounds freaking fantastic.
I think part of my peace came from the fact that we were moving forward with a waiting child, which comes back to our motivation to adopt. We have an abundance, and abundance is meant to be shared. Pursuing a waiting child felt inline with that. I think the matching process feels more like the domestic infant adoption process due to the waiting involved. In America, there is no shortage of families willing to take a healthy newborn. That's awesome. We didn't want to just add to the picking pool since we did not feel like we needed to adopt a newborn. (For those that do want to adopt a newborn-more power to you, and no judgement here. Those babes need loving homes. I like working with babies in 12 hour shifts and then getting a two day break. Just kidding. Kinda.)
So waiting to be matched with a child from Korea feels like that. It feels like we are not adopting those with the greatest need. And the number of orphans in the world feels staggering and heart wrenching. In actuality I think it's just the politics and legal stuff that makes the adoption and the wait take so long. Being open to medical and developmental needs may shorten the process, but all Korean babes must be eligible for adoption in Korea for 6 months, first. And ultimately we also need to be true to ourselves, our capabilities, and the needs of the crazies already underfoot. They get their crazy from Jon. Just so you know.
It is HARD to keep listening to that still small voice in the depths of your heart telling you to keep risking, keep pursuing, and keep running after something that you fully know will break you down, especially after this year has already entailed quite the breaking down process.
But here we are. Trusting. Saying "yes" to the hard things. Please circle up around us and join us in the crazy. Remind us we are supposed to do hard things. Abundance is meant to be shared. And, tell us how we can love you in your hard things.
Also, come to our party and invite everyone you know. Please and thank you. More details to come but mark your calendars for Feb 24th from 5-7 PM and join us at the Frisbie Center in Des Plaines. Its a senior center. I don't know why but I find this hilarious. Maybe you can have a free drink if you come with full on senior citizen attire. We are going to rock a game night and fun fair with a big raffle, bingo, face painting, hopefully some balloon animals, snacks, drinks, and lots of celebrating. I throw a good party. And its a good cause. If you have any thing we can share, raffle off, or serve at our event... or if you are willing to help us set up and run games or give me emotional support, please let me know. I need you like Donald Trump needs hair spray.
Life and challenge is not meant to be walked alone and we have many more miles to go. Yet, we know the finish line is sweet and there are lessons in the journey.
Share your abundance today, dear friends, and we will continue to share ours.