Saturday, March 19, 2011

I am

In trying to discover who I am and who I want to be, I want to bring to light how I currently define myself.  Granted some of the things listed below are true about me, but I don't know that I want to find my identity in these things.
When people currently ask me about myself I respond with:
-I am a nurse
-I am a wife
-I am a daughter
-I am a sister
-I am an over achiever
-I am a type A
-I am a Christian
-I am a good student
-I am crafty

Who do I want to be?
Secure in the fact that I am a child of God and loved and accepted for my heart and not my accomplishments.
A mother.
It sounds so simple, yet it took months for me to be able to say it out loud to my husband.  For many years I have been focused on worldly accomplishments.  Being a mother sounds so mundane.  I get so focused on the money I invested in grad school and what I can accomplish my degree and my career, but I am continually unsatisfied.  While I may be able to perform well at work and school, it doesn't speak to my soul.  I leave every day craving more in my life.  My mother, who knows me way to well, pointed out the fact that I am happiest in my relationships.  It's so true.  I feel filled up and satisfied when I am able to spend time and grow with the people I love...when I get to share experience and life with people.  So people are wired to be successful in their careers.  Lucky for me I chose a career I can fall back on.  Right now I can continue to work as a Labor and Delivery nurse.  I can serve my patients.  I can start to toy around with the idea of having babies in the near future.  And at that point, if I took a break from nursing, pending a look into our finances, or cut back on my would be OK.  I wouldn't be less of a person, or less loved by those that matter to me.  When my kids go to school I can again invest myself in this career that I love.  It's a great career, but it doesn't need to define me.  I may have fancy letters after my name, but ultimately, I am a child of God looking forward to raising children and loving them like there is no tomorrow.  And that's OK.

1 comment:

  1. Actually, that is way more than ok. I love you.