Travel

I've got the itch.  The travel itch.  All the time. Our recent trip to Marco Island didn't satisfy my travel needs, but rather just showed me what I was missing.  I'm constantly stalking homeaway.com (where I should be entitled to free rentals since I have sent the website so many customers) to find last minute deals that seem too good to pass up.  (My most recent "we need to stay here place" was in Maui).  I fantasize and plan, and then Johnny comes home and slaps me in the face with reality.  We are two young fools who went to grad school and racked up a good amount of student loans and multiple vacations in one year is probably not our best bet at this point in our life.  In high school I always said I wanted to travel before I had kids.  I think everyone says it.  And it's true, and if you are fortunate enough to marry  a rich man and make it to Italy and Greece prior to getting knocked up in your super dandy life, more power to you (and I am only slightly green with envy, like olive green).

However, that is not the world God has blessed me with and I need to get over it.  We are waiting a bit longer to have kids due to finances and I don't think I want to push our finances back even farther for the sake of travel.  Everything in moderation...or at least I need to find some balance.  (Although I have to take vacation time at some point during this year, and I totally don't want to take that time to have a "staycation".  Because in my head a staycation means that I should clean and organize my house or do something productive and that does not sound vacation time worthy to me in the least.  So maybe we can plan a small trip somewhere that doesn't involve an airplane.)

Maybe one day I will be a world class traveler, or even just a mom who needs a break from her kids and has awesome grandparents that watch the kiddos so I can finally escape to Greece...or Maui...or New Zealand (Go big or go home??), but today I am trying to be grateful for where I'm at.  Today I made it to the Dr.'s office, made egg salad and wrote a blog post before napping before work.  Thats better than watching Dancing with the Stars all morning.  Small victories.
So I am thankful for our trip to Marco and am posting some pictures to remember it :)

I like to fly, him...not so much

 First sighting of palm trees!

 Helllllooooooo Gulf of Mexico

 Taking it all in and wondering why our families settled in the flat, cold, boring, midwest

 Cheeseball city, but he humored me

 We went somewhere on a plane together....WOO -Freaking- HOOOOOO

 Goodmorning

 Check out Johnnys choice of cup.  This may have been where I explained what a babymoon was.

 Wind in our faces, Salt in our eyes...it only burned a little.

 You would smile too...

 If you were looking at this

 Beautiful Sunsets

 I kinda like him

 This was just before I had my freak out panic attack because I deleted the movie of us jetskiing with the dolphins.  So it was the last picture taken so that I could recover it.  I've watched it once since then and it wasn't quite as exciting or emotional as my panic attack.

Some good memories, and hopefully we can make some more in the future :)

Home

You know that silly song from "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" that talks about "it feels like home to me"?  I have that song in my head right now as I type this.  I just don't feel at home, and it seems to be wearing on me.  We moved into an apt/condo in the same building as some of our closest friends.  Awesome.  So great to be so close to them.  However, the apt itself, while being updated and fancy looking, was laid out by a bunch of idiot monkeys.  I have a kitchen that goes right into a living room, with no room for a t.v. and a kitchen table.  And no coat or linen closet to speak of.  I have a bedroom that is too small for a dresser, and a basement with two poles in the middle of it, leaving us only one way to set up out t.v....with our couch in the middle of the room.  Not to mention the barking dog next door that never.shuts.up.
I want to say that I feel at home no matter where it is at, because I am with the hubs.  However, thats not quite how I am feeling as of late.  I think my surroundings really affect me.  I am really bummed about spring coming and not being able to plant a garden this year.  I miss our old apartment (I don't really miss the commute that would come with it).  I miss having windows that face every direction so there was always sunlight in the house.  I miss having an office/aka craft room that I could turn into a giant disaster when I felt like getting creative, and then close the door and leave it like that when I was done.  I haven't sewn or made a thing since we moved, and that makes me really sad.  I miss having more space than I need so that I can host awesome game nights and have lots of family over.   I liked being a hostess and I don't feel like I can entertain here.
I totally feel like a whiner.  I am not living in a shack or a dangerous neighborhood.  In fact, its a rather well to do neighborhood, but for one reason or another, it just really doesn't feel like a good fit.  So what am I to do?  When our lease is up in August, I am pretty sure we will move closer to both of our jobs now that they are both further north and closer together.  Do we try to stay by family?  Do I try to find another two flat?  Do I get over it and move into a smaller apt to be able to save more money to buy a home?  I just don't know, but I am feeling super unsettled about it at the moment.  What really makes a place feel like home?

A shot of out old apartment with some of the furniture I sold.

Maple was so good to us :)  

Disney is good, Family is better

Getting to Disney was a huge cluster (insert expletive here).  I booked the plane tickets for the wrong week.  Not even the right month.  How does one do that you might ask... I have no flippin clue.  Never again will I book a trip after working a night shift.  So after multiple trips to the airport, sobbing at the check in desk, hugely raising the cost of my air fare, and about wanting to die because I had not slept in over 24 hours...I made it to Disney.  And I was one frickin hot mess.  I felt very loved by my family who put up even more money for me to come so that I could afford the new plane ticket.  Was it the most responsible thing we have ever done, maybe not, but I do feel that God has a plan for everything and I wonder if I booked the wrong flight because otherwise I would have never been able to justify the money to go.  Maybe I was meant to be there, to take in those moments with my family, to see my little sister who has moved across the country, and to appreciate the family I was blessed with.  The first two days at Disney were overwhelming but great.  I've decided that I am an off season vacationer.  I would rather have cold weather and less hoards of people surrounding me.  While my mom is in love with Disney World itself, I think I was much more in love with the time I got to spend with people.  I like the mouse and all, but it was the continuous time with everyone that was precious.
It was crazy to see the difference a year made in the boys' experiences.  No longer is there much thrill to the Peter Pan ride.  Bigger is better...and comes with longer lines.  I totally agree with them though, I would love to ride the Tower of Terror all the day long.  I still love when G looks for hidden Mickeys around the park.  He shrieks like he struck gold whenever he finds one.  I tried to soak up the smiles and the love.
And then I soaked up an illness.  I woke up Wednesday morning feverish and sick.  Awesome.  Doped up on Dayquill we made it through another day.  While the rest of the trip was still fun, I about died on the ride home when I felt like my eardrum would surely burst with the decent of the plane.
So was it the perfect trip, not quite.  But I got to see my family and share an experience with people I love.  I got to watch my mom be in her element (she believes in Disney magic).  So I'll take the good with the bad, and I'll try to work some extra shifts to recoup my losses.  I've learned a lot about myself from this little trip, and I'll try to hold on to and remember the good.

Message in the sky

 So grateful for her

 Whole family

 Sisters

 Cheesy smiles

I had limited photos on my camera, but wanted to put up a few in case I don't get around to uploading the pictures from the others.
I also want to remember how grateful I am for how my husband responded as I called from the airport sobbing about my mistake.  He was a voice of reason and support and someone I was so excited to come home to, even after only a couple of days.

STOKED

Stoked: full of enthusiasm.  Or at least that is what it currently says on the butt of my undies from old school American Eagle.  I need to do some laundry.
Anyways
I booked a trip to Disney with my family, two days before they were scheduled to go.  I was wallowing in my pity party about having to stay home for work and decided that if I could find a cheap enough flight, I would just bite the bullet and go even if it was only for a couple days.  So I am living this week to the fullest.  Working until 7 am Monday morning and being on my flight by 9:44 am.  Traffic better cooperate.  I then come back Friday morning and work the entire weekend.
I plan on needing a rest from my vacation.  Mickey better watch out because I am on a mission: Suck as much life, love, and energy out of those four days as possible.
I am looking forward to a lot of this:

 And time with these:

 And nights like this:

 Funny faces galore

 Some sugared up monsters:

 Good friends and family:

 Coming home feeling like this:

It may not be the most responsible thing I have ever done, but it is about balance.  And this fills me up and satisfies my soul.  I so wish I could share this experience with the hubs, but we will have to find some soul satisfaction at the end of summer and in the meantime I am so grateful that he's gracefully allowing me to go.
Feeling beyond blessed today and can't wait to surprise my sisters at the Magic Kingdom.

I am

In trying to discover who I am and who I want to be, I want to bring to light how I currently define myself.  Granted some of the things listed below are true about me, but I don't know that I want to find my identity in these things.
When people currently ask me about myself I respond with:
-I am a nurse
-I am a wife
-I am a daughter
-I am a sister
-I am an over achiever
-I am a type A
-I am a Christian
-I am a good student
-I am crafty

Who do I want to be?
Secure in the fact that I am a child of God and loved and accepted for my heart and not my accomplishments.
A mother.
It sounds so simple, yet it took months for me to be able to say it out loud to my husband.  For many years I have been focused on worldly accomplishments.  Being a mother sounds so mundane.  I get so focused on the money I invested in grad school and what I can accomplish my degree and my career, but I am continually unsatisfied.  While I may be able to perform well at work and school, it doesn't speak to my soul.  I leave every day craving more in my life.  My mother, who knows me way to well, pointed out the fact that I am happiest in my relationships.  It's so true.  I feel filled up and satisfied when I am able to spend time and grow with the people I love...when I get to share experience and life with people.  So people are wired to be successful in their careers.  Lucky for me I chose a career I can fall back on.  Right now I can continue to work as a Labor and Delivery nurse.  I can serve my patients.  I can start to toy around with the idea of having babies in the near future.  And at that point, if I took a break from nursing, pending a look into our finances, or cut back on my hours...it would be OK.  I wouldn't be less of a person, or less loved by those that matter to me.  When my kids go to school I can again invest myself in this career that I love.  It's a great career, but it doesn't need to define me.  I may have fancy letters after my name, but ultimately, I am a child of God looking forward to raising children and loving them like there is no tomorrow.  And that's OK.

Purpose

I have a lot of ideas in my head about the type of person I want to be... but I would like to start to discover who I actually am.  Previous attempts at blogging have been similar to my previous attempts at keeping a journal as a kiddo.  I sucked at it.  Writing takes time for me and doesn't really come naturally.  However, I feel like I am at a place in my life where I am searching for some discipline.  I would like to be able to chronical this stage of my life, within reason.  I would like to get my thoughts down somewhere... so that in a year I can look back and realize what an idiot, or genius I was.  I want to start to take pictures and have tangible memories.  Ultimately, I would love for this blog to serve as a way for me to connect with others.  I have read blogs over the past couple years and still find it totally creepy.  Why is it so fascinating to know stuff about people I don't even know?!?

So, that is my purpose for this blog.  Memories, Discipline, Connection.  We will see what really happens :)