Wednesday, December 21, 2011


So on my quest for Christmas cheer I decided to wrap up some Christmas shopping and buy some strangers some stuff while I was at it.  On my way over to Woodfield I killed a squirrel with my tire.  Not just bump it out of the way, no guts splattered behind my car and I didn't have the balls to look at my tire.  After shrieking, and saying a prayer, and getting over my guilty conscious that was screaming to me "this is God's way of telling you to stop killing the planet," I tried to move forward with my day.

Now you must know how much mental energy it takes to go to Woodfield around Christmas.  Between air traffic control directing the parking lot and the children's play area that makes me fear for the children's safety because it looks like they are all being trampled by a mob of little people, it is just not always the most jolly place.   I get over these facts because it is the only place with the Old World Christmas Ornament store and I still needed some ornaments, or so I thought.  Those that know me know I am an ornament snob and for the most part only buy people nice glass ornaments.  Please don't take offense if you bought me a non-sparkly ornament and I hid is in the back of my tree.  It's an OCD thing and I'll get over it when I have kids that make ugly ornaments.  Moving on.

Not only is my tree crazy so is my mom's.  See.

Anyways, the store doesn't exist this year.  I try to not let this be a day ruin-er and head over to Santa's Treasure Chest.  Wrong move.  Those tacky ornaments belonged in the Wisconsin Dells.  The disappointment has now set in and I decide to take a journey to Macy's and see if we can turn this crap around.  As I'm walking around the Christmas display I hear a shatter under my foot.  Some antlers had fallen of an ornament and I just busted them.  The Macy's lady next to me looks and me and says "Something died," with a little smirk.  You know what died lady, that squirrel and my soul.  Not funny, but Merry Christmas to you too.

Something that couldn't live very long in my house were the cookies for the neighbors.  Luckily the hububs made some ugly ones I could enjoy.

Back to the shopping experience.  It is hard for me to not be lured in by a sale on Bath and Body Works candles.  Those things are potent and delicious. When I shop I like to think and debate.  I usually don't shop with people because I don't like talking.  I have serious buyers remorse and I can count on returning most everything I buy, but for some reason I like to think about it for a really long time before purchasing.  I know I am a mean and terrible person, but I haaaaaate when the sales people are trying to push crap on me.  It makes me hate the consumer/materialistic side of Christmas even more.  No I do not think a candle would be a perfect gift for my dad, you whack job.  Have you met him? No. Would Mahogany Teak be his scent.  Not so much.  So please go away and leave me alone.  My inner Grinch is creeping out.

To help shove him back down I buy some strangers in line with me their drink.  Awesome.  Love it.  Hoping they pass it on in some way.

On my way home I picked up our rings from the jewelers.  I need to remember how much prettier they look after they are re-dipped and polished.  Freaking fantastic.  I absolutely love my engagement ring and seeing it in all of it's sparkly glory makes my day.  (Side note, when I went to go look at engagement rings with my mom I thought I wanted something simple.  Why do I deny myself?  Seriously.  If I can't hang a plain ornament on my tree, why would I want a plain ring on my finger?  It doesn't need to be big, but this girl loves glitter and sparkle and is learning to embrace it.  Please don't judge me when I start wearing glitter instead of eye shadow.)

After that I had to stop at Costco to get Excedrin, my daily vitamin at this point.  While I was there I saw they had Melatonin and I remembered I needed tampons.  So I walked out with those three things.  I must have looked like  PMSing hot mess that really wanted to get some sleep tonight.  It was just coincidence people.

Hoping nothing else dies today and no one tries to sell me anything.

Santa hat or Where's Waldo.  You're choice.

The end.


  1. Our trees are not crazy, they are out of the box wonderful!

  2. Your posts are so stinkin funny. merry xmas & happy anniversary!