Thursday, August 9, 2012
University of Chicago Day 1
After working last night I made it down around three to see my mom. So thankful for my cousin to be able to come down with her and for her to not be alone.
It is hard to be in a new place, really hard. The rooms are smaller and older. There is no chair that reclines to sleep in. The nurses station is loud and busy now that there are significantly more doctors/residents here. Yet it is where we need to be. It is where we can hopefully make a plan, and hopefully ultimately, be approved for a new heart. It is where the experts and the technology are at. So we will trust that people have our best interest at heart. We will pray for the doctors and the nurses, for wisdom to know how to treat my mom.
If I were to be a little too honest, it is hard to have a whole new team that expects your trust from the get go, when you have been told something different for the past two months. I want to run away and take my mom with me. I don't want to do this anymore.
She is in the cath lab right now. The poor woman has hung out in way too many cath labs, I think we are on visit number 6. For her first visit to the cath lab, she didn't want any sedation. This time she asked how soon the "haha" meds were coming. That's my girl. Please pray for her kidneys as the dye usually hits them pretty hard and having to go back on dialysis would be a pretty big blow for her.
Per the cardiologist here, the whole bottom half of her heart is not really working based on their echo this morning. We should know more specifically the state she is in once we are done with this procedure. They have done blood work and X ray's and ultrasound this morning. Not sure how many pieces of the puzzle there are, or when we will be able to put them all together.
I know that there is a chance my mom will die and that interventions need to happen for her to be able to live. But it is hard to remember how sick she really is, when I am with her and talking to her like my old mom. I forget that her heart is really this broken.
Honestly, it just sucks.
I think my biggest fear is that we will have pursued all of these other interventions to have to ultimately decide that we will not be able to move forward. It is hard to think about choosing that, different if it were to just happen. Hopefully our path will be more clear once we have gathered all the information at this new hospital.
So please pray for my mom. Pray for peace and patience. Pray for guidance for the medical team. Pray for my aching hiney that will be in these uncomfortable chairs for the duration of the night, because I will not leave my mom alone. Pray for wisdom and strength. Please just continue to pray because that thread we are holding onto feels a little thin at the moment.