Saturday, February 25, 2012

In the Middle.

This morning I woke up in the middle of my bed with Jon squished up next to me.  This may have something to do with the absurdly low temperature we set our heat to because we are frugal, but I think it has more to do with the state of our relationship.

***side note, Jon just told me we forgot to turn the heat down last night.  It's for real!  We do love each other.  Anyways...***

When we were dating and in the beginning of our marriage we had so little PDA that you would think we were really good sarcastic, flirty friends.  I just never wanted to be "that" couple.  Among our group of friends we were some of the first to date and to get married, so I never wanted for anyone to ever feel like a third wheel or excluded.  What can I say, we were just that nice.  We were also that cut off from our own desires to be close to each other, and for touch in general.  That sounds dirty when I say it like that, but you know what I mean.

Over the past year or so I really think we have grown tremendously.  We cuddle before we go to sleep.  *gasp*  I think Jon even kissed me at his mom's house the other day.  I know it sounds incredibly stupid, but for us it is good.  It is good to put each other first.  It is good to acknowledge that I don't one day want our children thinking we are stone cold, un-affectionate jerks.  While sarcasm and humor may be the foundation of our relationship, it is good to grow the other important aspects as well.

Over the past couple months I feel like we have been in a growth spurt to grow up and grow together.  Financial stress and some quick moves to try and buy a house will do that to you.  As will some family drama.

House buying is hard. At least for me.  I have moved every year for the past 8 years.  I like it and I am addicted to it much like I was addicted to NyQuil and Melatonin.  My ability to turn down a guaranteed good night of sleep is low, what can I say...nights does that to you.  I love the hunt for a new deal, and I honestly love the purging that comes with moving.  Cleaning up, new goals, new neighborhood, new decorating challenges, it's like crack to me.

So the thought of being stuck somewhere scares the crap out of me. What if our neighbors stink?  What if my lawn will only grow dead grass?  What if there is no where to throw goat fest?  What if my furnace explodes, I'm responsible for that crap now...

But we aren't supposed to live our lives focusing on the what if.  I am going through a book with my friend Amy about choosing Joy, and I am realizing how much I am missing out on.  I run through life really fast some sometimes finding joy is about going slow.  It's about cuddling with my husband in our frigid house.  It's about having an amazing time with your night shift friends, because your brain is only functioning at about 60%, so really anything is entertaining to talk about.  It's about taking in the moments with your family that are meaningful and deep, and letting go of the ones where they drive you nuts.  And it's about giving it up to God as we sign the contract on the house we really want this afternoon.  There is a good chance we won't get it, there are multiple offers in, and it is an awesome deal.  But I'm glad we found it.  I'm glad we are discovering together what we like and what we want for our family.  I'm glad we are doing it together and I'm going to chose joy even if the house gets away and even if we live in our frigid little house forever.  Because I have what really matters.

It might be frigid outside, but some lazy fool never took down her party lights from Goat Fest, so it looks pretty sweet out my back window.

Also, I love little girl pig tails.  While this peanut was distracted by Curious George, I might have quickly played hair stylist.

I'm off to try to nap before work tonight.  Hopefully I can sleep through the screaming children in the back yard.  We have a slight hill back there so whenever it snows we become sledding central.  These poor kids don't know what they are missing.  If it's not a struggle to climb up, it's not worth sledding down friends.

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