Friday, June 28, 2013

Baby's First Year

I have stunk it up at keeping track of Grayson's firsts and milestones.  I haven't written anything in the baby book or sent any emails to the account I made.  Documentation is not my strong suit.  So it's pretty funny that I have a whole box of over-priced scrap-booking crap in the basement.  Want to know how many scrapbooks I've made?  2.

You know what milestone I have mentally seared in my head at the moment?  We are on night 6 of sleeping through the night.  Hallelujah.

I forgot what it is like, and now question why people want to have more kids and start that process over...kind of.  I still want more kids.  My baby no longer feels like a baby, but rather a boy with a great sense of adventure.

I have lost a good deal of my writing momentum.  Writing had served as a way for me to process, and honestly I am ready to just breathe.  I will still cry when the wave hits and remember my mom when the OscarMeyerWienerMobile drives by, or I hear the ice cream truck.  But there are days when the sting is less and the joy runs deeper.  Not because I am forgetting, but because I am healing.  It feels good to heal, and scary.  It's scary to get further and further away from the days when she was alive and part of my life, but there is peace in the fact that with each day that passes I am closer to seeing her again.  I know she is OK.  I know she is celebrating with her Savior.  And I am OK too.  At least today.

I think my writing may start to shift.  It may be more about my process and struggles in parenting and marriage and home ownership.  It may be more about the ridiculous stuff that runs through my head throughout the day.  It may take me a little while to find my voice again, but hopefully I will get my writing groove back.

I might write more about that little love bug in my life, because then I will actually be able to tell him about his firsts.  So please feel free to skip through the boring posts if you want.  

I'm just learning to let go of scrap-booking Jaci.  Did you know I am not superwoman?  Because for a while I thought I was.  Humility isn't always my strong suit.  I thought I could do it all...but I'm learning that I would rather do less, well.  I would rather wrestle my boy than cut out little letters and stickers and arrange it all on a pretty page.  It just doesn't fill me up and my time is limited.  As time seems more and more sacred, I would like to slow down and breathe it in.  I want to savor the little moments with Grayson instead of feeling like I have to do it all.  It is OK to rest.  It is OK to just be.  It is OK to not get it all done. I am slowly learning to prioritize and figure out what does fill me up.  Sometimes my head is really thick.

The house was a mess, but the weather was nice.  So we hung out in the splash pool.

Here's to hoping for night 7.  A week of sleep.  Holy Guacamole.

1 comment:

  1. Ok . . .

    1. I am so jealous that Grayson is sleeping through the night!

    2. Wow! That is SO awesome for you guys!!

    3. Those pictures of him could not be more adorable.

    4. You will totally have more kids, your baby is too fabulous to just stop there :).