Sometimes I need to be reminded. I need to remember that this season is short and I will miss it when it is gone. I am easily caught up in my imperfect house and believe the lies that I should be able to do it all. Should is a dangerous word, and unfortunately one often found in my vocabulary.
I should be able to keep my house clean while going to the grocery store, working my night shift job and advancing my career, all the while playing with and investing in my little boy. Because I see other people doing it, so therefore I should be capable as well.
Maybe other people just make it look easier than it is, but today, this mama is putting the word should away.
Regardless of what I think the world expects me to do, I will remain conscious in my decisions about how I spend my time and my priorities. I will remind myself often that those extra snuggles with my baby are worth way more than having a clean floor. Those dust bunnies that have taken up residence in the corners of my floors will just come back in a week anyways, so it doesn't actually matter if I sweep the floors in this moment or not.
Not only will I prioritize time with my babe, but I will also take time for myself. This is the time that is the easiest to give up. While Grayson is no longer a newborn, working the night shift does take a toll on your body and I am almost always tired. Granted working this shift is also a huge blessing because instead of Grayson missing me for a full twelve hour day, he only misses me while I nap for a few hours after I get home. It is worth it to me to be tired for that time with my babe. But I need to reiterate to myself that it is OK to sleep while the baby sleeps...even if the baby is six months old. While naps are the easiest time to get all my tasks done, it is also the time when I can rest when I need it.
While this all seems like common sense, it is amazing how quickly I will get sucked back into the spiral again, how quickly I will become panicked about the dust bunnies. It takes a lot of energy for me to put away the word should, but hopefully, in time, it will become more natural. So just incase I am not the only one that needs a reminder today here is a poem that someone put in a card for me when Grayson was born. I am not sure who it is by, but it speaks to my ever running soul.
Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.
Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo
The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren't his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.
The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.
G-Baby likes taking baths in the sink.