How did my dumb little blog about home improvements and my utterly boring life turn into something so beautiful. I'm procrastinating. It's what I do fairly well. So instead of changing the laundry, I decided to go back through old blog posts and scrolled through all the pictures of people praying for my mom for her birthday. So instead of doing laundry I just sat here and cried over the fact that people were willing to take the time and pray and take a picture. What a precious gift.
I keep reminding myself that we were meant to walk this road. That there is a purpose to the pain. Lately it has been harder to think about losing my mom. Of course it is a journey and the pain ebbs and flows like the sea. Some days I am on board with her upgrading to heaven, other days I'm not, for purely selfish reasons. Yesterday my mom gave my sisters and me a gift. My cousin Debbie had found "Goodnight Moon" books where you can record the audio for each page. So my mom recorded her voice reading these books so that Grayson will always be able to listen to her read, and my sister's future children can as well. So I just sat and cried as I listened to my mom read to my son. What a precious gift.
Today a friend from church watched Grayson for a couple hours for me to sleep after working all night. And then my son, yes my son, slept in bed with me for 4 hours. Holy crap what a precious gift. Hopefully there are no repercussions from that gift later tonight.
Every now and then I think I should take down the fund raiser on my blog now that the disability checks have started for my mom. But I don't want to because it is a constant reminder that we are deeply loved and cared for. Just thinking about that whole experience makes me cry a little harder. What a precious gift.
On Wednesday, my friend Amy is coming over to visit. I had written about her earlier, pleading for prayers. I hope one day she will write down her story and her experience so that I can share it. The fact that she is alive and I am able to reintroduce Grayson to one of the first people that met him, is beyond a precious gift. I cannot wait to watch Amy walk down the aisle in May. I will surely sob my face off.
Right now this road and this journey feel hard and heavy. My mom is declining again, which in her funny and twisted way she is thrilled about. She has a great deal of peace and excitement to walk into heaven's gates. She is using the oxygen a lot more and she is having more panic attacks in the middle of the night or when she has to get up to use the bathroom. Her foot really hurts, but due to the side effects she doesn't want to take pain medicine. A couple days ago I was sitting in bed with Grayson as my mom tickled him and my son started to laugh for the first time. Don't get me wrong, his bottled up snort still has a ways to go until it is a full blown belly laugh, but my mom sat there clutching her ribs for quite some time because Grayson had her laughing so hard that she probably burned more calories than she ate in the entire day. What a precious gift.
Grayson continues to be a precious gift in my life. Who could deny that fact looking at this little nutter butter? This monkey is going to give us a run for our money. Who has this much energy before bed and enjoys standing like that when he isn't even 4 months old?
I am so thankful for all the precious gifts in my life. I am going to stop crying about it now and go do the laundry.