Jaci Lou

In the Middle.

2012-02-25T10:03:00.001-08:00

This morning I woke up in the middle of my bed with Jon squished up next to me. This may have something to do with the absurdly low temperature we set our heat to because we are frugal, but I think it has more to do with the state of our relationship.

***side note, Jon just told me we forgot to turn the heat down last night. It's for real! We do love each other. Anyways...***

When we were dating and in the beginning of our marriage we had so little PDA that you would think we were really good sarcastic, flirty friends. I just never wanted to be "that" couple. Among our group of friends we were some of the first to date and to get married, so I never wanted for anyone to ever feel like a third wheel or excluded. What can I say, we were just that nice. We were also that cut off from our own desires to be close to each other, and for touch in general. That sounds dirty when I say it like that, but you know what I mean.

Over the past year or so I really think we have grown tremendously. We cuddle before we go to sleep. *gasp* I think Jon even kissed me at his mom's house the other day. I know it sounds incredibly stupid, but for us it is good. It is good to put each other first. It is good to acknowledge that I don't one day want our children thinking we are stone cold, un-affectionate jerks. While sarcasm and humor may be the foundation of our relationship, it is good to grow the other important aspects as well.

Over the past couple months I feel like we have been in a growth spurt to grow up and grow together. Financial stress and some quick moves to try and buy a house will do that to you. As will some family drama.

House buying is hard. At least for me. I have moved every year for the past 8 years. I like it and I am addicted to it much like I was addicted to NyQuil and Melatonin. My ability to turn down a guaranteed good night of sleep is low, what can I say...nights does that to you. I love the hunt for a new deal, and I honestly love the purging that comes with moving. Cleaning up, new goals, new neighborhood, new decorating challenges, it's like crack to me.

So the thought of being stuck somewhere scares the crap out of me. What if our neighbors stink? What if my lawn will only grow dead grass? What if there is no where to throw goat fest? What if my furnace explodes, I'm responsible for that crap now...

But we aren't supposed to live our lives focusing on the what if. I am going through a book with my friend Amy about choosing Joy, and I am realizing how much I am missing out on. I run through life really fast some sometimes finding joy is about going slow. It's about cuddling with my husband in our frigid house. It's about having an amazing time with your night shift friends, because your brain is only functioning at about 60%, so really anything is entertaining to talk about. It's about taking in the moments with your family that are meaningful and deep, and letting go of the ones where they drive you nuts. And it's about giving it up to God as we sign the contract on the house we really want this afternoon. There is a good chance we won't get it, there are multiple offers in, and it is an awesome deal. But I'm glad we found it. I'm glad we are discovering together what we like and what we want for our family. I'm glad we are doing it together and I'm going to chose joy even if the house gets away and even if we live in our frigid little house forever. Because I have what really matters.

It might be frigid outside, but some lazy fool never took down her party lights from Goat Fest, so it looks pretty sweet out my back window.

Also, I love little girl pig tails. While this peanut was distracted by Curious George, I might have quickly played hair stylist.

I'm off to try to nap before work tonight. Hopefully I can sleep through the screaming children in the back yard. We have a slight hill back there so whenever it snows we become sledding central. These poor kids don't know what they are missing. If it's not a struggle to climb up, it's not worth sledding down friends.

Rut

2012-02-13T09:29:00.000-08:00

I'm in a blogging rut.

I need to clean my house, so I thought that procrastinating via blogging would help said rut. No such luck.

Since I have nothing of substance to talk about, I thought I would go in the complete opposite direction. And just dump the pictures from my phone in the past week.

Exhibit A
I was peacefully siting on my couch minding my own business when this creeper scared the crap out of me.

I am convinced we have too many squirrels in our neighborhood and that some may be demoned possessed. They run up our screens in the summer and I fear they will ruin the garden I would like to have. Little buggers.

Yea run away...

Exhibit B: I have been running with my sister lately. The little girl she watches likes to text me from the itouch. Read the conversation below. Hilarious. That kid cracks me up. Maybe minions= squirrels

Exhibit C: When we were in Disney World, one of our favorite things to do is to find the hidden Mickeys. Can you find it?

How about a little closer?

Sorry to have wasted five minutes of your day! Hope it gets better from here and no minions are out to get you.

8 Years

2012-02-03T10:53:00.000-08:00

On February 4th, Jon and I will have been together for 8 years (and married for 3). Holy crap that is a long time considering I'm not that old. We started dating when I was a senior in high school, and that sucker even came back for a prom repeat so that he could come as the wiser, cooler, college boy. Only he was going to prom with a real dork, so I'm guessing we didn't score any points in the cool department. Oh well.

My first year of college was rough for us. I ventured to Michigan and a friend of mine passed away. Jon and I had only been dating for a year and he had no clue what to do with this emotional hot mess he called his girl friend. I was already struggling with being far from everything and everyone I loved, and the loss of my friend was enough to push me over the edge. We weren't really close anymore, but she was someone I looked up to, and now she was gone, and I felt alone. It sucked. In that same year my young cousin passed away and my dad's best friend committed suicide. I was reeling to say the least, but Jon stepped up. He stepped up as a leader in my life and he held onto hope when I thought it was lost. It was that year that I realized the fragility of life and the richness that is there, if you chose it. It was also that Christmas that he gave me a gift that let me know we could make it for the long haul.

Without my knowledge he contacted everyone I had known from Jr. High on. Family, friends, teachers, everyone. And he explained that I was having a rough year and could use some truth spoken into my life. People wrote letters and cards of what I meant to them, and he put them all together in a book for me, followed by a letter from him. Blew my world away. Even in my depressed, miserable state, I still mattered, my life mattered.

In the years to come, we grew up together. I was able to support him through the unexpected loss of his cousin, and he now understood the place I was coming from in the beginning of our relationship. We were able to spend a year of college both in the city, and it was awesome being able to trek up and down the red line to see each other. That was probably when we were at our coolest. It has been all downhill since then. We both thought the other was slightly crazy when they decided to go back to grad school so soon, and yet we did it together.

I wouldn't call our dating life easy, but it was good, deep, and rich. We continued to choose God and each other through the ups and the downs. It set the foundation and tone for our marriage. When we got engaged I would have strangers asking me how old I was. My response would always be, "I will be 23 when I get married." They didn't have to know I would only be 23 for a whopping month. I was always so afraid of people judging us being so young...because I like to live a decade in advance. But even when I got engaged at the age of 22 (by one day), I knew. I knew he was the one for me. I knew we could continue to chose each other through the ups and downs. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but it was going to be awesome.

I didn't know how awesome it was going to be. I didn't know that he would step up as the leader in our marriage, and then some. I didn't know we would learn to fight, and that it would be good for us. I didn't know how long and how much money it would take to pay off student loans. I didn't imagine we could do something like GoatFest. I didn't realize what a great father he would be some day. I didn't know he would go from Johnny to Jon and with a name change would come a new level of confidence that is so attractive I could jump him when he walks through the door. T.M.I? Sorry. I still miss Johnny, but I'm so glad I ended up with Jon.

I'm so glad I didn't know, that life continues to surprise me, and that God's blessings can far exceed my wildest expectations. We have some things on our plate that will make this year a bit wild and crazy, with some ups and downs, but there is no one else I would rather ride this roller coaster with. And to tell you the truth, I like the butterflies in my stomach when we go down the steep hills. I know that we will come back up at some point, but the butterflies remind me that I am alive, and the we are living life to it's fullest, and we are doing it together. Diving in and going deep. We are all in. In our marriage, in our lives, in our faith, with our friends and family. I can't wait for the next 8 years with this guy. With my guy.

For your listening pleasure, I included our song eight years ago. And our song for our first dance. Like I said. Dorks.

Fresh Laundry Smell

2012-01-30T13:30:00.000-08:00

I hate laundry. I would really like a family closet in the laundry room so that I could cut some steps out of the "wash-fold-drop-refold-carry to multiple locations-unfold to hang-wear-carry heap to laundry room-wash" cycle. I don't know why it annoys me so, but it does.

I do however love the smell of fresh laundry. Usually I just use candles to imitate it instead of actually doing laundry, but anyways.

As previously stated, I hate running. I also hate spending money and at this point I haven't been able to justify a gym membership. Since I almost threw a brick at my TV when Jillian Michaels last yelled at me, this leaves me with the side walk, my feet, and my growing-in-size- ass. (Unless my kind husband reads this and wants to steal an Xbox Kinect for me with the dancing games. Nothing says "love" like thievery.)

In the past week I have ran three times. That's three more times than in the past six months. And I can tell. 1.5 miles felt like death. The 2 miles I just did gave me a side stitch so bad I doubled over and pretty much mooned the mail man. You know why it is so hard? Because my subdivision has hills. So much for the flat and boring Midwest. I'm guessing they are as big as in California. Am I being a bit dramatic because I don't want o admit how grossly out of shape I am? You bet. But are there massive hills I can't handle? Uh huh.

See, look. Off in the distance, how it goes up... I've learned to not take this street.
And my husband didn't believe me. That fool.

So when I'm running up the massive hill and get a whiff of the delicious fresh laundry steam coming from a nearby home, I imagine I am in a field of flowers in California, instead of the sleet and ice covered Midwest hill I'm actually trying to make it up. Makes it a little bit easier to swallow.

My sister wants me to run an 8K with her. I want to run it because they give you beer when you are done.

Aside for the running, I would like to live my life more like this:

I barely danced at my high school prom because I was so self conscious, and now look at me. No shame. I want to keep growing and getting comfortable in my skin. I want to embrace the free spirit that is trapped so deep down in my soul, that I kind of doubt she exists. But every now and then she sneaks out.

Here's to a wonderful free spirited week with some miserable running mixed in. Wish me luck.

Wedding Birds

2012-01-29T19:14:00.000-08:00

For a friends wedding a year ago I made her cake topper.

It was frustrating and time consuming, but I loved the finished product. I'm wondering if birds would still be cool and worth recreating, or if they are a thing of the past and I should learn how to make giraffes or something. Is there a market for this? Thoughts? Interests?

I used an image from their photographers website. www.twobirdsblog.com

Teeny Bopper.

2012-01-22T14:26:00.000-08:00

I've already confessed my love for Twilight. I love it for its terrible triangular drama that I would rather read in a book than experience in my life. I have a new love. My sister convinced me to read "The Hunger Games." I don't really know if this is a teeny bopper book or not, but I read the entire second book from 10:30-3:30 on Friday night. Given my previous tastes in books, I wouldn't be surprised.

Please don't judge that we were in bed by 10:30 on Friday night. It was a long week, but not long enough for me to put the dumb book down and go to bed.

I want to forewarn you that this is a boring post. No deep thoughts. Just some boring January documentation.

While I am spilling my guts and embarrassing myself about my reading choices, I should share the picture of what my mom dug out of the garage.

Yes, that is my prom dress. I loved it. From it's unique color to it's awesome beading, it was special. Please do not judge my dirty hair, lack of make up or my arm pit fat that wants to jump over the side of the dress if I take a breath. My mom thinks I should cut it up and make pillows. I think I should figure out how to drop 15 lbs and have a prom party. I could even have a balloon drop at the party. How awesome would that be? Maybe I should also have a "re-wear your wedding dress party." OK enough of my brainstorm.

Here is another embarrassing photo. My new Tupperware organizational system.

I would like to get rid of Tupperware all together. It melts, and there is no good way to put it away. Drives me insane. So I decided to just start chucking it in my laundry room and it usually makes it into the basket.

Jon spoke at an event at church today. He did fantastic. My heart grew in my chest just like the Grinch as I swelled up with pride for him. That is about as mushy as we get, but I was honored to call him my husband today. What a stud.

Have an amazing Sunday and week.

Luvabull.

2012-01-13T13:39:00.000-08:00

I like to make up words. Bir-Ver-Mas = Birthday + Anniversary + Christmas. My husband and I are cheap. When I want to make said quality sound more attractive, I call us frugal. Call us whatever you want, but we don't spend much money on each other. We give gifts like free hugs and kisses, and the guy does the dishes most of the time, so I'm a pretty content lady.

We decided not to get anything for each other for our birthdays (November), Christmas, or our anniversary (December). I really want a camera that is out of our budget, and he got sexy glasses that cost way more than they should have. (Those new glasses weigh less than my eye lash. Seriously. How can something with so little material cost so much? I digress). So basically we would save our money and get the one big ticket item we both wanted. Well then fate messed it up and we pulled eachother's names in the grab bag with his side of the family. So we had to get each other something. If we didn't we would have become not only cheap, but tacky cheap.

If we are going to spend money on each other, we tend to do it on experiences, so last weekend we took an overnight trip downtown. It was 55 degrees in January. Awesome. We stayed at a lovely hotel, ate a fabulous dinner, had free wine at the hotel's reception hour, went to a piano bar where the guy didn't know any of the songs I requested, and then headed up to the Hancock building before going home. On the way home we stopped at Hot Doug's.

The Breakdown:

Wow Bao. Twice. I love those asian buns, and I wish they filled my whole frozen yogurt cup, not just the outside.

The hotel, The Palomar. Would highly recommend it. We got a great deal on bookit.com

Dinner at Quartino. We got the Italian sample plate where you pick different Italian meats, cheeses, and salads...and then it comes with all these sides and breads. That meal of delicious carbs and fats was so good I could have peed my pants. Except for the duck prosciutto. That was disgusting. I could hear Donald Duck whispering in my ear as I tried my one and only bite.

Free wine that we could drink on a patio in January. (We are cheap, remember).

Hot Doug's was a bust for multiple reasons. Number one, the words "Encased Meat" make me want to hurl, and it was written all over. Number two, we waited over an hour in the cold for that encased meat. My chicken sausage was good, but not that good.

Going to the Hancock was neat. Jon had never been before. They offer "Skating in the Sky." Biggest load of crap I have ever seen. I think the ice rink was a whopping 20 X 30 ft. Pretty much the size of the living room. When you fell you crashed into the wall, no matter what. I cannot believe that was real.

My next profession. I like adventure, and heights. I probably wouldn't clean quick enough.

Regardless of what we did, it was great to be with my man. He made a comment in one of our conversations that was so true it hurt. We continue to systematically overextend ourselves. We are both really good at running a mile a minute, and not so good at just being. It was so go too be able to slow down, to sleep in, and to do our best to not steal the robes and the pillows.

Over the past week I also made massive decision to postpone going back to school. NIU's FNP program was a quick way to get it done before the requirements change, and I'm not good at missing deadlines. Want to know a secret? I don't like old men, diabetes, hypertension, blah, blah, blah. I love what I am doing right now. I love labor and delivery and being a part of a life changing moment on a day to day basis. I love caring for babies, both sick and healthy. So maybe after getting more experience and being sure about what I want, I'll go back. I need to slow down and smell the roses. Unfortunately there aren't any in January in Chicago, so I'll go smell the snow. Hopefully it won't be yellow.

I am a bit stubborn and many times it takes me a while to figure out what I'm really thinking. I am always running towards the next thing. I haven't even been at my current job for a year and I was already running back to school? This has been my pattern. Always. I think when I was 5 I was seriously planning my career as a Chicago Bulls Luvabull. It wasn't just a dream friends, my type A self had a plan and it started with only wearing dresses the puffed out when I spun around. I don't think I wore pants for a year of my life. Like I said, stubborn.

So this year, the goal is to find peace in the little things. To find joy in the day to day. To slow down and learn how to breathe. This year I want to take it in instead of just running through. I want to do more balloon drops, more crafts, and learn more about myself. I want to look back and not have missed a moment in 2012.

Happy belated New Year, again.

2012 Balloon Drop

2012-01-05T22:04:00.000-08:00

We rang this new year in with style. After coming down with Jon's terrible cold of doom the week before New Years, a crazy celebration was a bit out of my reach...at least if it was downtown and took multiple forms of transportation to get there. So we brought the party home.

We were going to go somewhere with a balloon drop and I had my heart set on it. J went to the dollar store and got 50 balloons to amuse his crazy wife. If I had some higher ceilings we could have really made it a party, but we had to make due with the normal ceilings that I have. We already had some painters tape and plastic table cloths, what more can it take. (Originally I was going to tack up the plastic. That would have been funny when it fell down. Luckily my husband actually has a brain and suggested I think of a different method.)

So we blew up balloons until our cheeks tingled and I used more tape than we thought was necessary. And here are the results. Is it weird if I am hoping someone pins this crap on Pinterest. It was freaking genius.

The three dollar balloon drop.

And when we let it rip, it looked like this:

Here are some other pictures from New Years.

Cheek Destruction:

Tuxedo Wine:

This must have been before I started loosing at Settlers of Catan. I look way too happy.

Anna was probably winning at this point.

Anna knows me too well. Christmas candy necklace on clearance. Three things I love in one...

My phone took crappy pictures.

Jon and I are off for a date night down town tomorrow. Birthday/Anniversary/Christmas present all rolled into one. Yes please.

Christmas 2011

2011-12-29T19:33:00.000-08:00

Once Christmas is over, I'm done until next December. I kinda run with the extremes. All or nothing. So now Christmas seems like it was a world away, but I still want to get down some of my Christmas memories of this year. So please pardon this boring post as it is just a way for me to make sure I never delete and lose all of my digital images.

Since both J and I have divorced parents we get to celebrate the holidays four times, every time. Blessing and a curse. This Christmas commenced with the Noto side. We all got scarfs.

Where's Danny?

Oh goodness.

The next day we wrapped presents for the adopt-a-family we do on the Noto side.

Yep, still wrapping

We might have stolen some of the presents for the little girl. We just wanted to be hip.

There were some events at our church. One involved reindeer. Real reindeer. Go big or go home.

And no I am not pregnant. That shirt hugged just right to make it appear as such. Can you see something missing in this picture?

Christmas Eve started with a heart attack inducing meal at my fathers. AKA "french toast" (deep fried in a pan of oil). Did you know I have high cholesterol? I wonder why. Exhibit A:

My dad decided to try out "the Noah" mustache. It suits my brother a bit better.

Christmas culminated with the gingerbread fiasco. I decided to go with a pre-made house so that I could spend my time decorating. It sucked. The frosting wouldn't stick and it looked like poop. Please pardon the out of order picture upload.

Larry's reindeer in progress:

Jon working on his mail truck

My gumdrops are sliding off the back of my house. Booooo

Aly is making an igloo.

We should have made a sleigh to go with the reindeer. PS he was originally constructing the Great Wall of China. How they developed into reindeer is beyond me.

Aly's igloo. The winner by far. Please don't mind the penguin mooning you was he takes a dip in the pond-o-frosting.

Feel bad for the driver, there is no door on this mail truck. Not even on the wrong side, sucker.

My house is dumb. Normal and boring. Next year I will redeem myself.

My mom's Christmas decorations.

Piping on the mail symbol.

This was hilarious because no one had a lid to put out the fire. She was making some kind of sauce and we were burning off some brandy. Keep lids handy people, keep them handy.

This is the picture that greeted me when I woke up on my anniversary. What a lucky girl I am.

Putting away Christmas decorations gets worse before it gets better.

So that is my massive photo dump. I am currently hopped up on different combinations of drugs as I try to get over a cold/or the flu. Not sure which, but either way I'm pretty miserable. By writing this post I have accomplished one thing other than watching T.V. today. Pretty impressive. Not really. You know you are sick when you can sleep a whole day after working a night shift and go right back to sleep that night until 1130 the next morning. I'm going to go continue that trend. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

Whoops

2011-12-21T20:18:00.000-08:00

So on my quest for Christmas cheer I decided to wrap up some Christmas shopping and buy some strangers some stuff while I was at it. On my way over to Woodfield I killed a squirrel with my tire. Not just bump it out of the way, no guts splattered behind my car and I didn't have the balls to look at my tire. After shrieking, and saying a prayer, and getting over my guilty conscious that was screaming to me "this is God's way of telling you to stop killing the planet," I tried to move forward with my day.

Now you must know how much mental energy it takes to go to Woodfield around Christmas. Between air traffic control directing the parking lot and the children's play area that makes me fear for the children's safety because it looks like they are all being trampled by a mob of little people, it is just not always the most jolly place. I get over these facts because it is the only place with the Old World Christmas Ornament store and I still needed some ornaments, or so I thought. Those that know me know I am an ornament snob and for the most part only buy people nice glass ornaments. Please don't take offense if you bought me a non-sparkly ornament and I hid is in the back of my tree. It's an OCD thing and I'll get over it when I have kids that make ugly ornaments. Moving on.

Not only is my tree crazy so is my mom's. See.

Anyways, the store doesn't exist this year. I try to not let this be a day ruin-er and head over to Santa's Treasure Chest. Wrong move. Those tacky ornaments belonged in the Wisconsin Dells. The disappointment has now set in and I decide to take a journey to Macy's and see if we can turn this crap around. As I'm walking around the Christmas display I hear a shatter under my foot. Some antlers had fallen of an ornament and I just busted them. The Macy's lady next to me looks and me and says "Something died," with a little smirk. You know what died lady, that squirrel and my soul. Not funny, but Merry Christmas to you too.

Something that couldn't live very long in my house were the cookies for the neighbors. Luckily the hububs made some ugly ones I could enjoy.

Back to the shopping experience. It is hard for me to not be lured in by a sale on Bath and Body Works candles. Those things are potent and delicious. When I shop I like to think and debate. I usually don't shop with people because I don't like talking. I have serious buyers remorse and I can count on returning most everything I buy, but for some reason I like to think about it for a really long time before purchasing. I know I am a mean and terrible person, but I haaaaaate when the sales people are trying to push crap on me. It makes me hate the consumer/materialistic side of Christmas even more. No I do not think a candle would be a perfect gift for my dad, you whack job. Have you met him? No. Would Mahogany Teak be his scent. Not so much. So please go away and leave me alone. My inner Grinch is creeping out.

To help shove him back down I buy some strangers in line with me their drink. Awesome. Love it. Hoping they pass it on in some way.

On my way home I picked up our rings from the jewelers. I need to remember how much prettier they look after they are re-dipped and polished. Freaking fantastic. I absolutely love my engagement ring and seeing it in all of it's sparkly glory makes my day. (Side note, when I went to go look at engagement rings with my mom I thought I wanted something simple. Why do I deny myself? Seriously. If I can't hang a plain ornament on my tree, why would I want a plain ring on my finger? It doesn't need to be big, but this girl loves glitter and sparkle and is learning to embrace it. Please don't judge me when I start wearing glitter instead of eye shadow.)

After that I had to stop at Costco to get Excedrin, my daily vitamin at this point. While I was there I saw they had Melatonin and I remembered I needed tampons. So I walked out with those three things. I must have looked like PMSing hot mess that really wanted to get some sleep tonight. It was just coincidence people.

Hoping nothing else dies today and no one tries to sell me anything.

Santa hat or Where's Waldo. You're choice.

The end.

Christmas Poop

2011-12-20T13:15:00.000-08:00

I feel like a poop. I'm in a Christmas funk. It doesn't feel like Christmas. No snow, no more holiday parties. (Note to self, if you want more parties you have to throw them yourself. Duh.)

So instead of whining about it, I want to do something. Today I am going to clean my house and clean it well. So that I can enjoy the last of my Christmas decorations and not have them be covered in crap. Sorry to the three wise men who may have served as mail holders over the past few days. Whoops. For me it is next to impossible to clean without motivation. I'm still waiting for it to set in. The wise men need to speak up and voice their annoyance with me.

Tomorrow I want to make plans. I think I need to find me some kiddos. Kids always seem to be excited about Christmas. I will do my best to not steal any off the street, but rather mooch the ones I know. Maybe I can do some Christmas crafts or rock some random acts of kindness. Please let me know if you can think of some really good random acts of kindness that I can do tomorrow, potentially with kids.

As I was wallowing in my funk, it started to snow, big snow globe flakes that fell really slow. Unfortunately the warm ground zapped them when they landed. It was nice to watch them while they lasted.

I also need ideas for my ginger bread project this Christmas. I am desperate. I don't know how to top my stained glass or my three foot castle. Ideas, please :)

Check out that glue stick. We mean business.

This was before her face got smashed in her creation.

Maybe it was only 2 feet. Bigger in my memory.

Jon's pirate ship. I like the cannon.

Here are some pictures of Christmas memories past to help me climb back up to my festive self.

Noah as Santa Claus. One day I'm going to dye his eye brows white in his sleep so it matches his super expensive looking beard.

Gingerbread making with kiddos.

The Gavinator

It wouldn't be a gingerbread event if some frosting and candy didn't end up on my face. Notice that my mom and I find this way funnier than Teagan does.

Who needs a house when you have a face.

Some good lookin in-laws. And I was having an awesome hair day. Just sayin.

Ugly sweaters. Meet lumber-jack-sweater-vest-man. Lookin good.

Some old friends rocking the ugly sweaters.

Gift exchange with SNOW in the background.

Mario and Luigi. They crack me up.

OK I am off to clean. Hopefully.

The Husband Post

2011-12-18T18:29:00.000-08:00

Hello readers of my wife’s blog. Consider this Blogger account hacked! I’m the husband. I’m theone who hung the Christmas lights. I’m the reason we have a moose head. My wifemay be the person who took the picture of her Thanksgiving meal, but I’m theperson who took a picture of her taking a picture of her food and then postedit on Facebook right after her.

I keep my own blog, Growing in Faith, but I figured I’dtry my hand at guest posting over here for some fun. Reading through this blog Iam overwhelmed by warm fuzzy feelings. Is that what girly blogs are supposed todo? I guess it’s working.

But in all seriousness, I love that Jaci is chronicling herexperiences because we both get the benefit of going back and rereading ourreactions and being reminded of what’s going on in our lives. Life goes by at amillion miles a second with no signs of slowing down.

Here are just some of the things going on from my perspectivein the Noto household:

Blokus laugh attack. What you don't know is how much of a photo-bomb fan Jaci is!

Jaci somehow conned me into watching two of these movies. It was a poor choice. Red wine was involved. Gentlemen - be vigilant. This movie will wreck your brain.

Everyone got a scarf this Christmas. Warm necks for all!

My photography skills pale in comparison to Jaci's. Notice the white-washed background, laundry basket, garbage, etc etc etc.

Christmas / birthday cake for a coworker at my therapy practice, Andrew Mercer

I can't tell if these were cute or terrifying. I'm leaning towards terrifying. Anything that looks mindless and is arranged in army-like formation doesn't sit well with me. My mom made them for Turkey day.

It's a ton of fun being part of this journey with Jaci and you're lucky you get a peek in, too. We're really blessed and we make it as fun as we can.

Hope Lost and Found

2011-12-09T06:15:00.001-08:00

If you know much about my family, you know how much my mom, sisters, and I love kids. We have all nannied at some point and been with families for many years. (The little girl I made a Christmas pillow with was one that I have watched since she was born 11 years ago). As a nanny the lines start to blur between job and family. You see the intimate moments that families share...the good, bad, and ugly. You become a part of it. It is a gift.

For the past couple years my mom watched a little boy named Connor.

Not only did my mom fall in love with this little stud and his parents, so did my whole family. He has these hilarious mannerisms, and though he can be quiet in a group of new people, the kid has a great sense of what is going on in the room around him. And he is funny, laugh from your belly funny.

Well this rambunctious little monkey has a little bit more going on with him. He has an immune deficiency that has a life expectancy of 25 without a successful bone marrow transplant. For the past couple years his family has done everything within their capabilities to find a bone marrow match, with no luck. I felt like my heart, and especially my mom's heart broke with every step of bad news.

In all honesty, I lost hope.

Does any one else pray the prayer, "God please do X, Y, or Z....but your will be done." That could be a wonderful prayer, if your heart meant it, but mine didn't. My "your will be done" was just an out for God because I didn't want to have to ask WTF when I didn't get what I was asking for. I was asking for good things, for people to be healed, for kids to be saved. Things I know God would want. I wanted to put up a safety net for my heart so it couldn't be broken. In my head I thought it would be God that had the potential to break my heart, but really it is just this broken world. God doesn't want children's lives cut short or love stories to end too soon, and luckily, I truly believe that he can use all circumstances and hardships for good, even the most heart breaking. God is big enough. He is big enough for my WTF prayers and questions. Big enough for my anger. If I want big answers I need to pray those big prayers with no outs and more faith.

When my mom started dating her boyfriend, who we lovingly refer to as Lar-Bear, we knew he only had 18 months to live. They knew it too. They called it dating on steroids and were dedicated to making the most out of their time together. I have never seen my mother so happy, and in all honesty, I was pissed she was only going to get 18 months of it. She finds the love of her life and he is going to be taken away? Another time for a WTF prayer, but instead I ran with the "your will be done" shit. (Again this can be a wonderful and appropriate prayer if I actually meant it and had some peace about it).

I have a thick skull and rock the doubting Thomas card a bit too often in my life.

God's plans for Lar-Bear and my mom were as big as my "X, Y, and Z". He didn't need an out. Without medical reason, Larry's terminal disease stopped progressing (when it had previously been progressing at a rapid rate). And then even more shocking to the medical professionals, he started to improve, something unheard of with idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis. His disease "arrested." Love that word. So now my mom and Lar-Bear are making plans. Plans for their future. Celebrating the potential to meet grandchildren and to live a life together. Their steroid ways continue and they live this life fully because they have a new and greater appreciation for the time they have been given. God is big and he is good. God would still be big and good, even if Larry wasn't with us today. I do believe his will is perfect, but I think I should also be more honest and allow myself to experience my anger, fear, and doubt to be able to work through it an move forward to live a more full and satisfying life of hope and faith.

Yesterday my mom called to tell me about an amazing Christmas present. They found an almost perfect bone marrow match for Connor. A woman from Japan. I'm coming to embrace the tears that stream down my face as I type those words. It is as though someone went to the lost and found and brought my hope back to me. Now this is not a guarantee, things are still in the beginning processes, but if things continue to move forward, he is looking at a transplant in late January. Again God is telling me that he doesn't need the out. To trust his timing and his goodness. That it is OK to be honest and ask the ugly questions while doing the ugly cry. In the mean time I'm just going to rock the ugly cry with tears of joy. Because that is what us Bender's do apparently. We sob our faces off when we get news like this. I'm going to let the joy and the hope penetrate deep so that I can hold onto it a little bit better when the next situation comes along where I feel myself wanting to let go of it. I'm also going to start asking the WTF's. Because it is real and genuine and because I don't need to put God in a pretty little box. Life is not always pretty or perfect, but it is deep and rich, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

To help myself stop doing the ugly cry I'm going to stare at this...

If this doesn't bring you joy, I don't know what will. I want to blow up this picture and put it on a billboard. The world would be a better place. I hope Connor continues to live his life with the joy and the hope that he has in this picture. I hope he continues to make people belly laugh. What a perfect little dude to receive a perfect Christmas present.

Mix Tape

2011-12-05T20:23:00.001-08:00

Last night I celebrated my sister's birthday. I love her. I have really been blessed with an amazing family, and I must say that sisters take the cake.

My sister, brother and I took a car ride out to look at one of those Christmas musical lights display. We went to get hot chocolate and my brother got a Slurpee. He felt like freezing it out. He also sat in the front seat of my echo and proved to me how incredibly small my car is. We had the seat all the way back and his knees still touched the dash. I felt claustrophobic sitting next to him.

Anyways. This is the third year I have seen it, and it still rocks my socks. I know I am an easy sell, but you should check it out. (www.twasthenightbefore.com) While we were there I kept trying to film the good songs to show J how cool it was. It was like trying to make a good mix tape when I used to steal songs from the radio. I was never quite able to catch the beginning of any of the good songs. There was no top ten where I could predict what was coming next. So instead I have a hodge podge of song middles. Oh well, I enjoyed it.

If it wasn't pouring rain we could have gotten out and picked up "believe" bells. So cute. I cannot wait to share Christmas with children. My favorite part of the display is Santa walking around in the house window. It is hard to see from the video, but looks pretty sweet in person.

On our way home we found another house that was only a few blocks away from where my brother lived, and it was cooler than the one we drove 45 minutes to see. Ironic.
Please forgive the length of the videos, I was trying to anticipate the good songs. Fast forward to the good parts.

For my birthday I might have gotten the best birthday card ever. I have gotten some amazing cards in the past, but my Brothers-in-Law really took it to the next level.

I also finished some kitchen Christmas decorating...
I find that itty bitty ornaments have endless possibilities when it comes to Christmas decorating.

Note to self, close cabinets prior to taking picture. Also, 3M strips suck and that garland keeps slipping...hence why it is shoved in the cabinets and they aren't closing all the way. I wonder what made them work so well when I lived in Elmhurst. Maybe 3M goes best with plaster walls, who knows.

This morning I woke up to a little bit of this:

Ahhh the Midwest in the start of it's winter glory. Much to my husbands dismay, I love snow. I'm off to sleep on this cold and cloudy afternoon so that I can work tonight. Happy Tuesday.

Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree...and Thanksgiving too.

2011-11-26T08:46:00.001-08:00

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, at least at my house. I have found that this residence is the hardest to decorate, and I have also found that I didn't take any pictures of my super-duper decorations when we lived in Elmhurst. Gone are the days of the large dining room with the evergreen mounted above the molding. For a two flat that place was ah-mazing when it came to decorating.

At this casa, I don't have many surfaces to let me Christmas decorations explode over. So my living room feels a bit cluttered, but it least it is cluttered with Christmas crap. I have not yet decorated any other room, but I will get there. Hopefully later today.

I was also really excited that we decided to put lights up outside. One strand across the front of our straight house. Who can screw that up? We can...when we use our old light strand because somebody (me) likes the old ceramic lights where the bulbs go out repetitively even when they are replaced. So now we have the Charlie Brown Christmas house. It may also look a little Charlie-Brown-esque due to the fact that the strand was longer that the length of the house, so we dropped it down to the bush and just unscrewed the light bulbs in between. Yup we are those people.

Here is the house a couple hours after we put the lights up. Stupid little bulbs. It's like that building in Schaumburg were there are lights all the way around the top and we used to play the "count how many bulbs are out game," most likely when my mom wanted us to chill the heck out. Now I am that house. The "count how many bulbs are out" house. Ugh, what losers.

I just want to point out that though our lights string from our roof to our bushes, we did take out the bulbs. Those lights in the distance are our neighbors, thank-you-very-much. We are not that trashy with our Christmas lights...well, almost.

While we are on the subject of Christmas lights, let me heed a warning. They can give you lead poisoning. Yup, read the back of the box. I don't know that it is all Christmas lights or just the old ceramic ones, but I had to hold back from chewing that electrical cord. You know what else can give you lead poisoning? The eight layers of paint that came off my wall when I tried to hang the moosehead with a 3M strip. Luckily I was still standing there and the moose head did not land on baby Jesus or the three wise men. Moral of the story? Wash your hands all the time, all the day long.

This is a terrible picture of me with the piece of wall and the sad moose. For documentation sake.

The wall after the moose head. Mind you this is a plastic moose head and weighs next to nothing.

The moose head in all of its glory above the TV. I used to hate this thing, but it is growing on me. It usually resides in the garage, but I have decided to bring it inside for the sake of Christmas. I might like it more because while I was stringing the lights on the antlers I noticed how broken they are and that he might be on his way out the door. Mixed emotions friends, mixed emotions.

All out Christmas clutter.

I l.o.v.e. my Willow Tree nativity. If that moose breaks it he will surely be demolished and thrown in the trash.

Ahhhhh. The Christmas tree. Do you see how ornaments go all the way to the inside of the tree. I also put the ones that don't sparkle in the back. Its B.E.A.utiful and I just can't get enough.

I was terrible at taking pictures of Thanksgiving. Maybe because I still have a terrible point and shoot camera. Just sayin. But here is a picture of the amazing feast as well as the love of my life. Thankful for so much.

OK I need to go pick up some leftovers ASAP.

Yarn Letters X-Mas Decoration

2011-11-23T07:11:00.001-08:00

Sorry for the crappy quality picture. I used cardboard letters and wrapped them in yarn. Turned out really cute! The O was infuriating because I had to keep putting the yarn through the middle and couldn't go quickly. Luckily Lindsay helped me with that one before I threw it across the room. I would recommend a word without an O. Now I can always swap out the Y for and N and put it above the bed on Jon's side. Or not.

It is officially my first Christmas decoration to go up. Woohoo!

Happy Nocember

2011-11-22T12:54:00.001-08:00

It seems to rain/snow on important days of my life. The day I was born was the first snow of that year. The day I got married it poured. Today, on my birthday it's cold and rainy. I don't mind. It is kind of a reminder of this season I love so much. There can be a raging storm outside, while inside there is peace, warmth, and comfort. On my wedding day I stood in the rain for a bit when I nominated myself to put out the sign on the main road to help people find the place. Just me, my rain boots, and the rain drops. It was a sacred moment. Today I stood outside Whole Foods, among the Christmas trees and took in the smell of Christmas heaven. I really love the smell of evergreen, and one of these days I'm going to get a real freaking Christmas tree and not just a Yankee Candle to go with my fake one.

I have officially decided that November and December are my favorite months of the year, and not for the Chicago winter weather, but for all the goodness that is packed into them. The rest of the year really pales in comparison.

I tried to create a funny word by putting the two words together, but if you cut the words in half and put them back together you get the same freaking word.
November - ember + December - Dec = Crap.
So my new word for the season I love the most: Nocember. Yup.

Happy Nocember.

Anyways. Between birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, our anniversary, and New Years, it is hard to pack any more awesomeness into two months. January really blows.

And while the actual holidays and birthdays are great, I think even more so I love that anticipation leading up to them. I love the advent season, you know something good is coming, or at least some good food. While it feels like time flies by, it feels like the world slows down...at least in my head. I pay more attention and stand in the rain to smell a silly Christmas tree.

So here are some of my Nocember loves:
My mother's Thanksgiving meal, specifically, the stuffing
Bowling with all of the cousins on Thanksgiving night
Snow
The birthday cards I receive. Those that really know me know how much I love an awesome card
The fact that my dad remembered my birthday this year, I think unprompted :)
Adopting a family with my in-laws
Salvation army bell ringers. They could have my whole purse if it would fit in that slot
Candy Cane Joe-Joe's
Decorating the house for Christmas...pictures to come
The December baby that was born where I was working last year named "Noel"
My Mom's upside down Christmas tree. Really. It's bolted to the ceiling.
Gingerbread competition (I need some ideas, I have done a church..with stained glass, and a castle...three feet tall. I'm really bummed I can't find the pictures of the castle or Jon's Pirate ship)
Singing Silent Night with my family at church
My brother as Santa Claus at Walmart.
Christmas music
So much more.

I really, truly love Nocember. Here are some pictures to prove it:

Larry bought me sprinkles for my birthday

Cousin Jaci is a great influence on children

Emme came over to make some Christmas crafts. She didn't even sew her fingers together.

We made some headbands

Her end result Christmas pillow. Pretty good for a first time seamstress!

I want to give mad props to Lar-Bear for my moms amazing tree.

The view from under it. I like to sleep there.

Pictures from our epic fail 1st year anniversary trip. We did much better going to Florida the following year.

That is the Bed and Breakfast we stayed at. It was pretty much as creepy as it looks.

He was in our room:

We then went to Kohler Wisconsin and learned about toilets and sinks. Like I said Epic Fail.

Gingerbread aka Graham crackers and glue guns

Aly made a doll house

Jon made a Trojan horse. See the gingerbread man coming out the back?

We go all out. I love Nocember. I'm off to clean my house (even on my birthday) so that I can put up some Christmas decorations. Loving it.

The post where I apologize in advance.

2011-11-19T09:52:00.000-08:00

Within the next year of my life I will surely have a breakdown. An ugly cry, snot dripping, gasping for breath, nasty breakdown. I'm sorry for when my patience runs thin and my tears flow like the Mississippi. Can anyone type out Mississippi without singing M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I?

Anyways. It is bound to happen, but I have decided it is worth it. It is worth it to jump in with both feet and swim in the deep end. Time to put my big girl pants on, or better yet, rip off those pants and rock the bikini with confidence.

I was just accepted into Northern Illinois' Family Nurse Practitioner Post-Master's Certificate program. Pending all of my paperwork and finger prints I will start in January. Less than two months from now. Even though I put out this application in October, I didn't have my "oh, shit" moment until the acceptance letter arrived yesterday. That's when the reality hit. The finances, the time, the commitment, the papers. I am planning on doing the program part time while still working my full time night position, and this scares the bejeebus out of me. I don't always feel like I handle the whole "no sleep" bit very well, and I am about to multiply it exponentially.

I'm rocking the "I'm young and I can handle anything approach," but in all honesty I am scared to death that I won't be able to do it. I think a lot of my anxiety and stomach knots are due to the anticipation. I have no clue what to expect. A part of me wishes I could go barf right now because I think I might feel better after the fact, but I digress.

So even though I'm scared, I'm holding onto hope.
Hope that it is meant to be and that I can hack it.
Hope that I can have a bigger impact on healthcare as a whole and those who don't have much access to it after completing this degree.
Hope that I can go into the program excited to learn, and not just to get through.
Hope that one day I can find a balance between a kick ass career and being a kick ass mom, because I want to rock both worthy professions.
Hope that I will become a stronger person for going for what I want even if I know I am sending myself down a difficult path.
Hope that my marriage will only be stronger in the end while we walk this life together and I learn to let my husband love and support me to an even deeper extent.
Hope that I can teach my kids that difficult things are usually the ones most worth going for.
Hope that one day my skin will sparkle like Edward's does.

So when I start drowning in the deep end, can you love and support me and help me up for a breath of air? I think I will need it these next two years. I will come out of the pool with pruney fingers as a trophy. I'm going to stick it out to play and swim hard. I want my life to be rich, and satisfying, and fulfilling and I refuse to settle for the kiddie pool. I'm leaving my water wings at home and rocking my bikini like a Victoria Secret model.

Mi Casa

2011-11-13T18:34:00.001-08:00

Thanks to my wonderful mother I have made even more progress on my house. What was our "crap collection room" has now actually turned into an office. We spent a night organizing and I now have a place to pursue all of my crafty ambitions. I would love to put some paint on the walls, make the shelves more pretty, paint the trim around the bulletin board, take on more projects than I have time for...you know. But in the mean time, I'm excited that I have unpacked a room in record time (I unpacked my basement three months before I moved out of my last apartment). Everything in the room is something that I already owned.

Here's my one and only before picture:

And after:

Nothing matches perfectly, but I loved the curtains from my last living room and had to use them somewhere!

Do you see the gobs of organized fabric. It's been in boxes and I can't wait to get my hands on it.

It's so pretty.

I love the antique Ferris wheel. The hub-ubs tells me it's creepy.

I also put some other touches in my living room. Here are some before pictures:

I like that there are three different colored doors. Very zen.

Some progress:

Still rocking the multi-colored doors

And here are the after pictures:

Pictures hung in the hallway

Ahhhhh all white doors. Much better.

Candles up to warm up the room.

I stole this idea from my friend Megan. Herbs in apothecary jars. Love it.

A pillow I made for J. We have a running joke with his family where I buy his sister stupid squirrel stuff and she retaliates with dumb duck stuff. Only J likes the ducks. So I made him this pillow.

Starting to all come together! I have one more pillow to make.

We covered the inside of this cabinet with fabric. Awesome. See how it all looks crooked. It is. The whole house is crooked.

Pretty dresser. Pictures up on wall. Love it. House turning into a home.

So there you have it. Too many pictures of our itty bitty ranch.
On a side note, I love candy cane joe-joes. I bought three boxes.

I hate leaves, we have raked for many hours and it still looks like crap.

And our trees are still filled with leaves. Ewww

Have a wonderful week! I'm off to sew the night away so that I can sleep through the day before my shift tomorrow night.

Reminiscing

2011-11-07T15:38:00.000-08:00

I want everyone to know that I had to Google "reminiscing" to figure out how to spell it. I don't know what type of program they used when I was in first grade, but I never learned to spell. Then Microsoft started auto correcting it for me and it got even worse. I digress.
I'm not sure why, but I've been reminiscing about my wedding lately. Maybe its the oddly warm and rainy weather in the middle of November that greatly resembles my wedding day, or the pictures I just came across when I started to clean the office. (Finding said pictures caused me to stop cleaning and make a bigger mess and then decide to go type some crap out about it, I guess I am easily distracted).
So back to my wedding, I have had a few people talk to me about money saving when wedding planning lately, so I wanted to document some of the ways that I was able to do that. We had a gorgeous wedding on a budget, and I had so much fun I would do it every year. I loved the planning, the bargaining, and the kick-ass celebration that you get to have with all the people in your life that mean the most to you.

We got married two days after Christmas and we had the ceremony and reception all in one location because I was afraid of a snow storm (irony was it was 65 degrees and pouring rain, all the beautiful snow melted, and a lot of people didn't come because their basement flooded). We saved about 15% off the cost of our big bill from the hall because of the not so popular date. It was cheaper to have it all in one place, and also I think more people came to the ceremony as well. To top it off people don't mind waiting in line to greet the bride and groom if it is on the way to the open bar and appetizers. Just saying.

Pre-wedding I had someone come to the hall to help everyone get ready (the girl that cuts my five year old cousin's hair). It was awesome to not have to go anywhere. She was awesome, and super reasonably priced. I also did all my own make up.

When I was dress shopping I fell in love with a dress way out of my price range. I could not see spending that much money on something I would wear one day. I think I could have gotten married in the nude and had as great of a time. So a local seamstress that my family knew replicated the dress for me. Best idea ever, and we were able to tweak things so that I loved it even more. The lace was from Nottingham England, and no one will ever have the same dress. I really wanted simple, and not pouffey. I wanted my husband to know that my body existed in my dress and not look like a big cupcake. No tulle and no girdles. And I had to be able to dance my heart out in it (side note, I definitely ripped out the train on cotton-eyed-joe. My bad). Mission accomplished. My friend's mom also helped me make my own veil. Total cost for dress: 600, total cost for veil: 10. Make my freaking day.

I gave all the girls the color and the designer of the dress and told them to take their pick. People come in different shapes and sizes, and so do dresses. Go for it and choose the one you are most comfortable in. We have decent sized families, so we only had family stand up in the wedding.

We kept it simple and decorated with candles (cheaper), which I also felt was more appropriate in winter. We used the decorations from the ceremony to decorate the head table, and the only flowers I ordered were bouquets and boots.

I have to give mad props to David Difuntorum, the photographer. With the crappy weather and my brilliant candle idea that killed the lighting during the ceremony, he did an amazing job. I think we laughed all day because of him. Dave was a leader in my youth group when I was in highschool, so it was incredibly special for him to be a part of my wedding. He made everything so much fun, and produced an amazing product. Not only that, but he was able to make a banquet hall into a photostudio. There was no chance of venturing outside for any beautiful nature pictures, but I feel like my picture selection lacked nothing. The more people you love that can help be a large part of your wedding, the better. Our friend's dad was the pastor for the ceremony, and another friends dad was the DJ. It was lovely. Did your photographer spin around the dance floor with your new found husband. I bet not.

The cake was included in the hall package and was amazing. A family friend added the flowers to it for me and it turned out fantastic. And for the favors we did a candy table. Best. Idea. Ever. It was a huge hit and I am three cavities richer for it. I think I am the only weirdo that loves those flying saucer candies with the sprinkles inside. My mom did an amazing job of borrowing a sucker tree and getting awesome unique candy.

I loved the challenge of doing everything on a budget, but I think I just loved getting married and being surrounded by friends and family. I didn't care what happened, my dress no longer fit (so I safety pinned it tighter) and it was pouring rain...but I was getting married to the love of my life and people were coming to celebrate with me. That's a good wedding to me. I've had a perma-grin looking through these pictures. I can't wait till the hububs gets home to give him a big hug and kiss. Here are a few more of my favorite pictures just because I can't get enough. Maybe I will threw another reception for my five year anniversary. A girl can dream.

Now I desperately need a wedding to go to. Seriously I can't get enough of them. Sorry for the picture overload

Hall: The Meadows Club http://www.themeadowsclub.com/

Florist: (also where we rented the Arbor thingy) Ashland Addison http://www.ashaddflorist.com

DJ: Pete Kovacevich with Gala Events http://www.galaevents.biz/

Photographer: David Difuntorum http://daviddifuntorum.com/

Candy: (they let us barrow the tree because they are nice): Candy World in Woodfield mall

Throw Pillows

2011-10-31T16:45:00.000-07:00

How do you spice up your room without spending much money? You sew some throw pillow covers and shove your old boring pillows inside. A while back I had to return all of the cute pillows I had bought from Target for the sake of saving money. It was a bummer, but I got over it and made my way to the fabric store to help dry my tears. Anyways, I was trying to change our bedding from blue and brown accents to grey and yellow. Our headboard is brown and we aren't really in the market for a new one of those...so brown, grey, and yellow it became. Here are some of the pillows I came up with. The tan and grey one is the only one I kept from target because it brought the brown and grey together.

This one is by far my favorite. I made it with Duck Cloth.

The zebra print I like, the flowers made it a bit too girly for me...and my husband. I have not yet ripped them off but I think I will.

This pillow as me trying to replicate the target floral one from and earlier post. It is OK but it is missing something. Haven't quite figured out what yet.

The hububs and I also created an angry birds trunk or treat bean bag toss. Unfortunately there are no pictures of it in his trunk...but here are the bean bags I sewed. Only two survived, so apparently my sewing skills are lacking or kids are getting stronger.

Time to go pawn all of the Halloween candy off on the next trick-or-treater so that it doesn't become my dinner.

Crunch Factor 10

2011-10-22T10:27:00.000-07:00

So lately I have become a little bit more green, crunchy, granola, whatever you want to call it. I am not an all or nothing type of person, so while I am excited about some of the things I have made or some of the changes I have implemented, this is by no means a promise to stick to them. My persistence and follow through on all things trendy is not really one of my strong suits. So here are some things I have done to save the earth, our family, and our money. Humility is also not a strong suit.

In the shower:
-I tried giving up shampoo and rocking the baking soda. Didn't work for me. Any other suggestions as I would like to rid my house of shampoo?
-Soap-Bronners all natural castile soap. I use this on my body and my face. I used to think I had hard to manage skin, but since giving up face soap, I have actually had less problems.
-Body- My mom makes a sugar body scrub with olive oil, honey, essential oil, and sugar. I use this on occasion.
-Coconut Oil = My new moisturizer for my face and body, as well as my conditioner.

In the cleaning bucket:
-Homemade laundry detergent. Recipe taken from this website. http://tipnut.com/10-homemade-laundry-soap-detergent-recipes/ I liked number 8 the best so far.
-After I rid myself of plastic Tupperware I am going to move to homemade dishwasher powder. It doesn't clean plastic as well.
-I clean with a lot of baking soda and vinegar.

In the home:
-We buy used furniture. To save money and the rain forest. We then refinish said furniture when we want something different, and I make my own pillows and decor when I am in need of a decorative change.
-Sometimes I buy soy candles when the price is right. I don't know if this saves anything.

In the belly:
-I try to buy organic food, especially things where we eat the peel. Granted, this is not always in the budget. I also try to eat a lot less processed food, meat, and dairy. But keep in mind that I love McDonalds. Like I said, moderation. It's hard to keep my McDonalds lovin' in moderation when they come out with this:

Taffy apple sundae. Really? Jerks.
-I also try to buy local when it is an option.

Things I would like to try:
-Juicing. Documentaries ruin my life. Thanks to documentary, "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead," I am completely sold on the nutritious value of juicing.
-Try to completely give up meat and dairy. Not for forever, but I really don't think there is a ton of nutrition there and the cost to produce it seems to be more than what it is worth to me.
-Buy all organic and local. When I'm rich.
-Give up all processed sugar. (This will most likely never happen if you know me).
-Eat only locally grown and raised food. This would be hard.
-When we buy a house I would like to make it energy efficient.
-I might cloth diaper my baby's bum in the future. Don't judge.
-I also might make some of my own baby clothes.
-In the summer I plan on composting with my garden.

So there are my lofty goals that may or may not ever happen. Does anyone else have any good body, planet, or money saving tips? Do tell!

I Forget.

2011-10-20T11:50:00.000-07:00

Forgive me that I forget. As life becomes routine and miracles become scientific I have forgotten what I really get to do.

While my job feels very task oriented at times...IV's, monitors, surgery, etc. it's easy to forget what I am really a witness too. I've become jaded, as many of us do. I get caught up in me, my struggles, and my body's desperate cries for sleep. So sometimes I need to remind myself of the precious moments I get to share with people every day. I get to see babies take their first breath on a regular basis. From the beginning of a shift to the end a family of two becomes a family of three. I get to share these sacred moments with people on a daily basis and sometimes I forget. It is not always a pretty scene, in fact many times birth can be messy...but so can life. God sets us up for success from the get go.

I had a patient last night who helped me to remember the significance of my job. Things don't always go as we plan, but in the end it was beautiful to watch the tears stream down her face as she fell deeply in love with her new baby girl. By the end of the shift I didn't feel like the nurse who started her IV and harassed her all night trying to keep that baby on the monitor, but rather the friend who walked through an unfamiliar place making it a little less scary. Patients many times say, "I couldn't have done it without you." People are more than capable of doing it without me, but I'm grateful to share the journey with them.

By next week I will be whining about going to work...but for now I'm going to hold on to the sweetness of the week.

Because I don't like to post anything without a picture, here is a picture of my sweet niece on her birth day. The day she took her first breath, and the day her parents went from a family of two to a family of three. It was a sweet day and it is good to remember.

I'm an adult and I went to Starved Rock

2011-10-16T19:23:00.000-07:00

This whole post does not need to be a proclamation to my adulthood. However, there are a few weird things I do and get away with because I am an adult. For some reason all these things are related to food and I feel the need to go public with them. Confession maybe? So here are some strange things I do because I can:
I race to eat my cereal once I pour the milk. I hate soft cereal. Usually I'm a slow eater, I get over it once the milk is poured.
Speaking of cereal. I don't like the Luckies. So many times when I am in a particularly sugar needing mood, I eat just the Charms. Couldn't do that when I was a kid (as if there is even any nutrition in the Luckies anyways).
My favorite ice cream is Breyer's Mint Chocolate Chip. But I eat it out of the gallon. And I only eat the chips and whatever ice cream is on my spoon with the chip. It's like a treasure hunt and the chips are the gold. Try it sometime.
If I have milk with an oreo I eat the whole thing. No milk=no chocolate cookie. Yes I am completely disgusting and lick the lard out of the cookie and love every minute of it. I then proceed to throw out the cookie part. I think I like both parts in the milk because the milk dissolves the cookie. (Ironic how I hate soggy cereal but I like soggy cookies).

OK now that you know how incredibly weird and disgusting I am, let's move on.

This weekend we went to Starved Rock with some wonderful friends and it was glorious. The fire was not so glorious because we bought wet wood. The weather was beautiful for hiking, really fricking cold for sleeping...but luckily I had a nice husband to keep me warm. So here are some pictures of the trip.

Our tent looks like a midget tent. It supposedly sleeps 4, I think it's a lie.

Freezing with friends. Please don't mind my morning hair.

NO MATTER HOW SMALL WE CHOP THE WOOD THE FIRE SUCKED.

Greg doesn't have high regard for his fingers.

Can you cook over smoke? Not so much.

Not so level griddle.

Morning breath. Morning hair. Morning love.

Do you see the loan egg on the griddle. Anna was trying to hard-fire-pit it.

This is how it turned out.

The view from Starved Rock.

Friends

So pretty

Our little monkies.

God gives the Midwest a small taste of what nature can really be.

Yep, we went there. The sign had already been defaced, we just took it to the next level.

How many people can you fit in the tree? We fit three.

This picture reminds me of the little tastes of heaven we get in life. We see glimpses of it and whispers from it, but until we get there we will never know the full extent.

It was a wonderful weekend filled with great memories.

Sweetness in the Struggle

2011-10-11T10:11:00.000-07:00

We were really lucky to be able to meet up with a bunch of close friends last night; friends that are not convenient to get together with. Our schedules are all full and very different. Many people live in different neighborhoods. However these are friends that the time spent with each other is so rich that it is worth every inconvenience and makes me value our experiences together even more. Having just come from a wake with a renewed view on the fragility of life and the importance of little memories may have made me a bit more sentimental as well. Just keeping it real. While I want to be a half glass full of glitter kind of girl, I don't always drink the sparkle. And when I do, I often choke. Anyways....

Under the full moon and across the campfire we shared our happy-crappies. Our last month's highs and lows. Our honest truths about where we are in life. And it was good. It was good to be conscious about what has really been going on with me over the past month or six. It is so easy to get caught up in tasks and work, and the busy-ness of life, but when you sit around with people who want to really hear your heart, it feels good to go inside and dig it out.

So for my own sake of documentation and so that I can look back and remember some of my growth, I want to write it down. Feel free to skip over this or never read my mushy gushy crap again. Your choice.

Towards the end of my time at my last job, my tunnel vision was incredible. I could not see beyond my circumstance. I was unable to find much positive to cling to, even though I am sure there was a ton around me. Working nights overwhelmed me and for some reason my coping strategies took a vacation. I hope they enjoyed the beach. In all honesty I was in a crappy place and I'm grateful for all the friends and family who sat there next to me while gently challenging me to put my big girl pants on. It's not the days I am most proud of, but it was a season none the less. I still find myself functioning in a fear of not wanting to return to that place and I'm hoping that being on this side of the wall I can hold onto the clarity that I found.
I had really hoped that finding a new job would solve all of my problems. Obviously it didn't and I was being an unrealistic fool. However, while the problems are not solved, I am now able to function. I am even able to find joy. So far I have been able to work nights and not cry about it (which may be due to my new found love. Sub-lingual spray melatonin). I also take comfort in the fact that there was a rainbow when I was driving in to my first night of work. I'm thankful for God's whispers that I am where I am supposed to be and I am not alone in it. I have set myself up with a lot of support. I am grateful to be able to look back and have some closure about my last job. I really miss so much about it, but I think giving up those things for the sake of a better schedule was worth it. I work so that I can live, I don't live to work.
There are so many things I have learned by switching jobs and letting the seasons of my life change. Hope has returned to me and I am looking forward to new opportunities in my career and life. Both in my life and in my marriage, this past year has had a lot of struggle. But there is so much sweetness in the struggle. It's the struggle that strengthens your soul and your relationship. Instead of just getting through life we are trying to live in the depths of it...both the beautiful and the ugly. Sometimes its hard for me to see the sparkle, especially when it is dark out. But if I focus I can see it in the stars or in my engagement ring as I'm driving to work and someone's headlight hits it just right.

That was deep, now onto fluff. This past weekend the hubs took me to the catholic seminary that was probably private and that we probably shouldn't have been at. However, all the priests we walked past were very nice and no one kicked us out. So we walked the three mile trail and took in the beauty of this empty campus. In all honesty it was a bit creepy that there was this beautiful place and no one was there enjoying it. The weather was perfect and it was awesome to have a morning together. We then proceeded to eat at Dairy Dream drive in where I had the most amazing corn dog of my life. I should have taken a picture of it but I was too busy inhaling it like it was oxygen. It was so good that my lips looked like they had been glossed by fryer grease by the time I was done. How is that for an image. (It is pretty ironic that I loved it so much because I am usually not a fried foods kinda gal. Maybe I am turning a new cholesterol leaf.)

The beautiful chapel

I wonder if they do weddings here. And if so, can I have a repeat please?

We snuck into the library to use the potty. I want this staircase in my future home.

He wants this chair in our future home.

I just want to thank my Aunt Alice for showing me how to ride over the bumps in life at my wedding. You will be missed by many and it was great to celebrate your life.

Sprinkles and Christmas Heaven

2011-10-02T18:52:00.000-07:00

There are many things I love in life, including sprinkles and Christmas. I enjoy doing shots of sprinkles out of the can (the best sprinkles come this way). I find them addictive like crack. Now, it is not all sprinkles that I love, I am a sprinkle snob. If you want to eat blow-your-mind sprinkles, you must buy Betty Crocker's Parlor Perfect Sprinkles:

I also love Christmas. The advent season reminds me of being engaged. Anticipation builds and then everything comes together in full glory. As a kid my favorite thing to do was to open the advent calendar. I knew all the little ornaments that were in there, but for some reason, being able to open those paper pockets every day to discover the treasure within warmed my heart.

So imagine my delight when this weekend brought together two of my favorite things along with so many others. I took a day trip with my mom and sister to Bronner's CHRISTmas Wonderland in Michigan. Holy Heaven. I knew this was going to be an amazing trip when I first saw this license plate

Followed by this street sign

Cheers to the freakin' weekend my friend. The only thing that could have made this trip better would have been if my youngest sister could have come with us. So we trekked to Michigan and here is a bit of what Christmas Heaven looked like:

I bet you want to pick this nose.

I thought I would never find a wedding dress I loved more than my own. I was wrong.

You would be scared too.

It was so cold! Making it feel even more like Christmas in October.

The countdown!

It took us 5 hours to make it through the whole store. I loved the trip. Along the way were sprinkles off red fall leaves among the green trees. I think the advent season should start in October. There were sprinkles of laughs mixed in with rich conversation. There were sprinkles of butts mixed in with stick shift lessons (I will never be to old to drop trough to moon my mother when she is least expecting it). It was a weekend full of things that I loved, and I tried to savor every minute of it.

Goat Fest 2011

2011-09-25T14:18:00.000-07:00

My socks have been rocked.
So a little background info for those that have no clue why the hubs and I host a party called Goat Fest. Three years back we attended a series of services through Willow Creek Community Church entitled "Celebration of Hope." At one of the services we were given a book; Hole in the Gospel, by Rich Stearns. If you want to be challenged, read it. We had no idea what we were getting into by opening those pages, but we are grateful we did. After reading the book and deciding that we wanted to give in some way, and my husband came up with this idea about raising money to buy goats for families in developing countries through World Vision. To read and to see what a goat can do for a family, click here. What better way to raise money than throwing a party. So, Goat Fest was born. We have had so many learns along the way
Year one we learned you shouldn't let people pick their own shirt color, or you will run to 8 Hobby Lobby's to find a large teal shirt.
Year two we learned that no one likes to stand by a grill. So don't buy burgers unless you are hiring a chef. We also learned how deep a folding chair can sink into the ground if it was muddy out. Whoops.
This year we learned to not switch screen printing ink when the cheaper brand worked so well last year.
We were so blessed to escape the 40% chance of rain and have a beautiful fall day. Crisp air with the "apple orchard" woodwick candle burning strong in the living room. I pretty much get giddy over fall scents making my house feel like fall. My husband says it's fake fall. I'm right he's wrong, end of story. Candle stays.
We think about 70 people passed through our garage and I tried to soak in as many moments as possible. We sold over 50 T-shirts. There was mingling, crazy children, adults using the craft table, and collapsing moon walks. And it was all good. I did not spend nearly enough time behind my camera, but I did manage to get some shots throughout the day.

Opening Shop:

Want to learn how to screen print? First take a long time cutting out a stencil with an exacto knife. Try not to scream too many bad words as it feels like your first finger will surely fall off. Then place it on a shirt.

Then smoosh the ink through the screen (very technical). And presto...you have a shirt.

Except for when it doesn't work precisely and then you break out the itty-bitty paint brush and go at with my perfectionist's heart.

After cleaning my house I was frustrated that I still do not yet have a closet door.

So I honed in on my inner Bender and found a staple gun and some curtains.

Problem solved. (The brown and grey might not be a perfect match, but it looks wayyyyy better.)

The tables along the left of the garage are a combination of our broken closet doors and our 30 gallon containers filled with crap. Up-cycling at it's finest friends.

Our moon walk village prior to the collapse of the house on the left. Luckily no children were injured in the process.

Big kids + Small Bounce House = Fallen Castle

So many friends and family came. It was glorious.

Family all around.

We ended up ordering 8, 18 inch pizzas. That is a total of 2035 square inches of pizza in case you were wondering.

Eventually we brought the campfire to this circle. Some idiot forgot to find sticks/skewers for marshmallow roasting. So there were no s'mores. Another lesson learned.

Not sure who enjoyed the craft table more, the kids or the adults.

My hubs likes putting his finger in his ear. Not really, I just didn't take very good pictures.

I call it "bags." Some call is "CornHole." Call it what you may, it was played.

My dad pretty much owned my sister.

I felt it necessary to sugar the kids up prior to sending them home. Your welcome parents. Do come again.

And nothing like a campfire to end the night. Jon is catching flies and Mark is sleeping. You would have no clue that there is a rip-roaring game of catch phrase going on here.

At least the girls were thinking hard and bringing their "A" game.

And so concludes another Goat Fest. We raised over $2,000, which is 27 plus goats. A rocking party for a great cause. You should come next year. We are also thinking about having a 5K with a post party to mix it up :) Happy weekend, I have a house to re-clean.

House Progress

2011-09-11T17:09:00.000-07:00

Can I scream my love for craigslist on a mountaintop? Because I would. We once again bought furniture off of C-List and painted/stained it to make it more of what I wanted. I honestly have never met a rude person when I have sold or picked up furniture. This time they were a little interesting, but extremely nice none the less. So the mission was to find a sideboard/credenza/buffet to create into a place for storage and to put our TV on. The coffee table the TV was currently resting on looked way to small in the room. So for forty dollars we ended up with this (Please excuse the picture quality it the photos to follow, the point and shoot just isn't the same):

I always forget to take before pictures...so this is mid sanding...and there is plenty of sawdust in the air.

After sanding the top, I stained it darker. Thanks to neighbor Bob, I didn't even need to buy stain!

And then if you skip ahead through all the painting, we ended up with this:

Not too shabby for $40! Correction $44. I did buy spray paint to change the knobs and pulls. Would highly recommend it! Everything else I used was stuff we already had or things that neighbor Bob let me barrow.

The flash made the top look more yellow than it is.

I love it and think it turned out great! It inspired me to potentially never buy new furniture. My husband helped me paint and it inspired him to let me buy something new next time. Interesting how that happens.

We also finished painting the chalk board wall in the laundry room. So needless to say we spent a good amount of time trying it out.

Because every wall needs a dinosaur and robot. Oh, and don't shove your fingers in that outlet.

I wonder why drawing is more fun when you can do it on your wall.

Ebb and Flow

2011-09-09T07:12:00.000-07:00

I was talking with my cousin lately about how excited we are to put away the shorts. We hate shorts. Our genetically engineered thighs look like crap in shorts. Beyond my thighs, there is this whole sensation that comes over me in the fall, and I love it.

I would also love to have a nice camera to go document all of the things about fall that I love, but alas my birthday is not until November.

I get ecstatic about the sweatshirts and jeans. The boots and knits. The pumpkin spice lattes and the Yankee candles that scream "take me to the pumpkin patch." I even love all the school supplies that are now on sale, and I am holding back my desire for my own back to school shopping spree. Maybe I could have a back to work again shopping spree in honor of fall. Just a thought.

I have a whole different demeanor when we turn this corner into fall weather. 65 and sunny just brightens my day. I was once commenting on how much I loved the changing colors of the leaves to a friend, to which she responded, "I"m glad you like to watch things die." Apparently fall does not surround her in the same type of ambiance.

So this fall I want to do my best to take in the small things. To savor the pumpkin spice lattes (I talk about them like I buy them daily, I will probably treat myself to one or two the whole season. So I will savor every freaking sip). I will enjoy an after-family-dinner-walk outside in the brisk air, and take any extra snuggles I can get from the Gav. I'm going to make some stupid fall craft and love every second of it. Fall comes and goes so quickly, and I don't want to miss it this year.

And because I only like to post with pictures, here are some original Goat Fest pictures. We will host our 3rd Goat Fest this year, and I'm stoked...and scared that it won't be as awesome as last year. Later this weekend I want to write a post about how Goat Fest came to fruition and the highlights of the parties over the years.

I am off to buy screen printing ink to commence the shirt making. Wish us luck.

Cold Showers, Baptism, and The Hour Exchange

2011-09-02T18:38:00.000-07:00

My house is hot. And sticky. And I want to move to Antarctica. Maybe I can help Eskimos deliver their babies. Everyone who has lived with me has learned my love of hot water. The perfect shower temperature is just below the point where it actually burns your skin. I come out of the shower red as a lobster and I have found the best part of apartment living is having a much larger hot water tank than would ever be installed in a house. (I admit I am a hot water hog and will wipe out the whole tank in one shower killing many fishies in the process. No shame.)

I think tonight was one of the few cold showers I have ever taken in my life. I usually hate them, but tonight in my house that is currently running around 88 degrees, it was nice. Refreshing even.

This past weekend our church hosted a baptism service outdoors in a lake. As cheesebally as it sounds, my cool shower reminded me of this past weekend, and my prior baptism. It made me remember how it felt to come out clean. Washed of the sweat of my own failures. God is good.

My super generous friend let me borrow her nice camera to see if I really wanted to invest in one (I do by the way if you want to chip into my fund). So I took pictures of the baptism. I had so much fun experimenting with the camera and am sold on buying one. Trying to sell my husband. I am sure an old Polaroid could have captured the beauty of this day, because you just couldn't escape it.

Story Boards

Studly Husband

God must have thought Jeff was in need of a good cleansing given the wave that came at him.

Yes there is an old flubby woman walking in her bikini by the cross. She walked by 3 times. I'm glad she is confident and I found it hilarious.

On a totally different note, we watched yet another documentary that rocked my world. It talked about Portland's Hour Exchange program. Apparently there is one in Chicago but I don't know how well it is established. The whole concept is you give an hour of your time and can then cash in that hour for something on the website. Frickin brilliant. I love that it treats all time as equal. The example from the documentary was a handy man working on an old lady's basement for an hour, and then he cashed in his hour for a sailing lesson. How awesome would that be? I would spend an hour doing anything is someone could repay me in an hour of water skiing!! I want this idea to grow and spread, and I want to be on a boat right now.

Time to enjoy labor day weekend and sweet time with family and friends.

Picture Overload

2011-08-19T14:02:00.000-07:00

If you come to read my eloquent speech, this my friend is not the post for you...nor are any of my other posts because eloquent is the last adjective I would use to describe my writing. We are in the new place and I am loving it. I am not loving the loads of crap that cover every surface as I try to unpack and organize, but I'll get past it. While I am rambling about the things that annoy me, I would like to add that most of the pictures in this post are blurry. Drives me crazy. I also cannot figure out a good way to photograph a room as a whole. OK. Done ranting. So below are some before pictures and some progress pictures in the new place. Be warned. My house is currently a hot mess. Now it will look that much better in the after pictures! Setting myself up for success. Also, keep in mind that we are renting. So home improvements have to come on the cheap. I pride myself on cheap home improvement projects and making a rental feel like a home.

KITCHEN: Didn't take very good before pictures. But lets just say it looked like Barbie barfed on the walls. So that was the first room to be painted. Plans for the kitchen include finding some artwork for the wall, a mat for in front of the sink, and finishing the new light fixture I put up.

Progress

Ahhhh no more Barbie barf. The counter tops now look less green too.

Much better

LIVING ROOM: I was nervous about the carpet and the massive window, but I think this room has some potential. Plans for the living room include: Sewing new pillow covers for the wall. Finding a Credenza to put the TV on (right now it is on a coffee table), painting the front door, hanging some type of art on the walls, and frosting the glass on the cabinet so we can store ugly stuff in it.

None of the wood or trim in the house matches. At all.

Paint and curtains make a HuGe difference. I would have liked green curtains, but didn't want to shell out over $100 for the fabric I loved. So reusing the white curtains became the plan.

BEDROOM: The before is the bachelor pad shot from before we moved in. Plans include painting the walls, returning the target pillows now that I know I want to do the room in yellow, brown, and grey, making new pillows much cheaper, hanging art on the walls, and hounding my landlord for the closet door.

Progress

I am aware that I own too many articles of clothing. Encourage me to purge.

LAUNDRY ROOM: This room was disgusting and also painted in Barbie Barf. It remains that color at the moment but will be changed in the near future. I don't think anyone has ever moved the washer and dryer to clean around them. I was going to take before pictures but I was too disgusted and didn't want to be judged. In the laundry room is this weird closet that has never-been-updated wall paper and cobwebs from hell. When I get up the guts I will clean that room out too. For now I am closing the door and pretending it doesn't exist. I plan to build shelves to the right of the dryer and paint the walls in here. I also plan to paint one of the walls in chalk board and magnetic paint where we can have our calender and organize our stuff out of view.

Before.

Progress. Massive cleaning and moved machines close to window

Now there is space on the side for my future shelves that will serve as our pantry. To the right is the creepy closet with the furnace and water heater.

The ancient wall paper. In case you didn't know, the spine of a book is it's binding. The wallpaper says so.

What I am pretending does not exist in my home. Gross factor ten.

BATHROOM: I didn't take progress pictures yet, but here are the before. We aren't doing much except for hanging a different curtain and putting some over the toilet storage.

The other rooms just contain out loads of crap. Eventually I wan to take before and after pictures of the garden and those rooms, but right now I have no desire to touch them. Here is a picture of some of my amazing friends at Joy and Nathan's going away party.

Now that I have put you to sleep with my pictures, I am going to head out for some Chinese food. I am open to suggestions on house decorating/improvements, especially when it comes to rentals and not wanting to spend much at all. Have a good weekend!

An exciting beginning and a sweet end

2011-08-12T12:43:00.000-07:00

So I just completed my nursing orientation for a new job, as well as the last week of the OB clinical group I was teaching. I am feeling extremely blessed (along with nervous, excited, petrified... you know the whole frickin spectrum of emotions, but I think that just happens when you start something new). There were some things I wanted to remember about my orientation that just seemed to be whispers from God that this was the right move for me. The person who organized the HR orientation was a 50/50 combo of my Aunt Joan and Aunt Bev. I wanted to take this lady home and make some memories with her. She was such a spitfire and just warmed my heart as I remembered my Auntie Joan. I also loved the Chapel in the hospital. After a hard night I can see myself taking a few minutes to just breath and decompress to help me leave work at work. The motto on the hospitals logo states in Latin, "The love of Christ urges us on." How true. Overall I have just had a wonderful orientation experience and I am so excited to start working with some of the girls I have met. I am really going to miss my old unit and co workers, but feel a lot of peace about this transition in my life.

I also just taught my last clinical, and this experience was so different than what I expected. I think I went to bed anxious every Thursday night. It was stressful for me to want to give every student this amazing OB experience, and feeling like I couldn't deliver based on the location of the clinical. However, by the end of the term, everyone was able to see a baby come into this world in one form or fashion. And, the students gave me a bracelet with my name engraved on it as well as "Best Teacher Ever" on the back. Melt my heart. I just couldn't have asked for a better group of students to have for a first time experience. I am excited about going back to teaching in the future after I am more settled with my new job, and I am so grateful for how much this experienced help to stretch and grow me as a clinician and teacher.

Tomorrow we move to a new house, and I am stoked. I love home improvement projects, and crafts, and gardening. And better yet, I love finding the best deals throughout all of those processes. The opportunities are endless! I have already commenced the painting and the planning and cannot wait to put some ideas into action. I have already packed up the camera, so after we are settled I will post the before pictures.

Happy weekend!

Waiting for the Storm

2011-08-02T17:44:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in my window sill waiting for the big storm that is supposedly coming. I love storms. I love how they have the power to bring people together. What else can I talk to my crazy neighbors about?

I can remember getting all worked up by storm warnings in the past, but then it would be a huge let down. This summer's storms however have delivered and showed up their sissy friends of the past. We will see how this one lives up to its warning. I am most likely able to love storms this much because we have only lost power once and it was for only one day, unlike many of my friends.
Storms draw you in and are easy to watch and enjoy when you can do it from a distance. When it doesn't make your life messy. But we don't grow as much when we watch the storm from a safe distance. While nothing monumental happened this past year, I feel like my life was in the middle of a storm. I had to learn how to deal with the hail and the wind. I started to break down and feel more damaged than I had in a long time. But looking back now, after the eye of the storm has passed, I am better for it. And my friendships are richer for it. People came together and built me back up. They challenged me and called the best out of me, my husband in particular.

The kiddo across the street has no idea about the storm that is coming. The Power Wheels Jeep won't be so much fun at 3 miles an hour when you are getting pelted by hail girlfriend. I think many times I am a lot like the girl in the Jeep. I think life is flying by, and I have no idea what is coming. I think that is how we are supposed to live our lives. There isn't much of a point in stalking weather.com. It doesn't change what is coming. I trust that it will be O.K. That God is in control. And that sometimes a storm isn't such a bad thing.

In the time I have taken to write this post, this storm has chickened out. No golf ball size hail for me. Bummer. How many times in our lives do we stress and worry about something we have no control over? No need. What will be, will be. I will just prepare my best for what lies ahead. I guess the Toyota Echo will keep the paint it has left for another day.

Ch-Ch-Ch Changes

2011-07-28T09:39:00.000-07:00

Getting nervous and excited about the new things coming up in our lives. My last shift was bittersweet. I'm really going to miss the girls I work with and I can definitely seeing myself going back to that hospital to deliver once we enter that stage of life. I've made some great memories and shared some wonderful moments with colleagues and patients. Here is some documentation that we had a great time at the cubs game.

I'm going to take pictures and some measurements of the new house we are heading to. Trying to decide what if anything to sell on craigslist. We shall see. Looking forward to the DIY opportunities!

This past weekend we went to another wedding. I love weddings. I love what they stand for and I love the celebration. It was so great to stand alongside Megan and Mark and to have been able to watch them grow into the couple they have become. It is also so great when you are able to go to wedding with a bunch of close friends. Most importantly (not really), I love the dance floor. I want to open a bar/restaurant that is set up to be like a wedding reception. No need for the bump and grind like the clubs of today, just a good ol' fashion dance floor. I apologize for the upcoming picture overload, just feeling the need to document our mundane life.

See, I do love the dance floor. Even the cupid shuffle.
I need to get off the computer and start packing, like 2 hours ago. Oh well. You would think my crap would know how to pack itself by now.

Dear Diary

2011-07-20T19:00:00.000-07:00

Apparently my ability to maintain a blog is like my ability to maintain a diary as kiddo. I sucked at it. If anyone ever stole it they were most likely really disappointed when they opened it to only find one page written on. I haven't wanted to document my life for the past month because I haven't been in the best place. However, the best places don't always grow, stretch, and challenge us like the difficult times. In all honesty I wasn't too impressed with my ability to handle this difficult time. I got a bit too whiny and hopeless. Not who I want to be. Good thing there will be many more difficult times in my life where I can rise to the occasion.

Luckily I learned a lot about myself and I dyed my hair. With new hair comes a new attitude. ( and in a week or so will come new hair once again because my self hair dyeing skills are apparently really limited...should have left it to the professionals but my cheap self got the best of me).

I was also extremely blessed that with new hair came a new job as well. One I didn't see coming, and one I worked the least to get. In the past I have contacted managers and gone above and beyond to get an interview. This time I applied online on Monday, was called back in a couple of hours, interviewed on Tuesday, and was made an offer on Wednesday. I have never had such a wonderful experience with an HR department. The job is also in my hometown and where both my husband and I were born. It feels a wee bit sentimental to be working in my hometown. Like when I used to come back from college (pretty much every weekend because I was a homebody). It is still a night shift position, but it is only 3, 12 hour shifts and feels a lot more manageable. I am also going to work in L&D, Postpartum, Newborn Nursery, and Special Care Nursery, so I am ecstatic about the new learning opportunities, especially the special care nursery.

The new hair must really work for me because we also got a new rental. A house. So exciting. Not much more money that our current condo, but now I will have a garage and a garden next year...maybe even some mums this year! It is out in the burbs so it adds to the nostalgia of coming home. Life is changing really quickly, but I really feel God's hand guiding us forward. While it is a lot of change, it all feels so right.

So I will yet again try to reinforce some new habits, like blogging more than once a month. I am also going to tack on a million pictures to this post. Partly because I want to remember all of these times in our lives, and partly because I am not able to purchase a better camera until I prove to my husband that I use this one. Here's the proof baby, here's the proof.

Kim had an awesome bachelorette party!

Sisters, missing the other one.

Gavin had a pirate themed party. My mom and Larry decided to go big or go home. The best part was when they pulled up on the motorcycle with a pirate flag and the Pirates of the Caribbean theme blaring.

We have some of the best friends and no better place to hang out than around a fire.

Laura graduated!!

She also can't decided if she likes it hot or not. And Chris gives a great stink eye.

My new favorite family tradition. Walks after Sunday night dinner.

Out of order pictures from Kim's wedding!

Too cute!

Happy Couple!

A most realistic picture.

Someone convince this girl to stay in Illinois please.

Erica and Mike were in town!!! Happy Birthday to her!

Megan's Bachelorette party

Xbox dance. Most amazing game ever.

So that was way to many unorganized pictures that took me too long to post. But better late than never. Off to work. Trying to take in all the good of my last few shifts.

Recent Events

2011-06-02T14:53:00.000-07:00

I finally cleared my camera and wanted to document some of life's recent happenings.

Brooke's Communion: It was so sweet to see her all dolled up and in her element. Brooke seems born to be a performer and on a stage with all eyes on her. She can rock the center of attention like no one's business and keep people laughing while she is at it, so she seemed to be in all of her glory while reading her bible verse:

It was so great to see family. And my niece is stinkin cute. While I am not Catholic, I do really enjoy the traditions.

Cactus Pears:

Wouldn't recommend them. We thought we would be adventurous at the grocery store. Bad choice, lesson learned. The flavor was weird and you couldn't chew through the seeds. Barf. (granted they could also just not be ripe at all and we would have no clue)

Simple Pleasures: Johnny took me out dancing a few weeks ago. It was out of our box, spur of the moment, and wonderful. Also we had a parade that went down our street on Memorial Day. Our neighborhood is big into parades. It was great to feel like a part of community and to remember those who have been lost. My favorite parts were the old Chicago cop cars and the people dressed up for the different era's the wars were fought in. And my most favorite part was the old ice cream truck in the end. My heart skips a beat when I hear the ice cream truck.

They really shot off those guns! Scared the crap out of me.

Finally enjoying some warm, sunny, weather.

Johnny told me I look like a hot sweaty mess in this picture. At least I am enjoying what I love!

Lately

2011-05-28T11:13:00.000-07:00

I haven't wanted to write at all lately because I have been down. Or blue. Or sad. Or I have no the idea what the heck to call it, but my mental chant to focus on the positive just hasn't been cutting it as of late. And I have been scared to share with people where I am really at. Scared that they will get sick of hearing about it. That they will get sick of asking how I am, because I am not good at lying. Sick of hearing about the hours I don't think I can work one more week. Sick of hearing about the financial hell-hole we dug ourselves into with grad school. (Sometimes the delusional part of me wishes that was credit card debt instead so I would have an awesome pair of jeans to show for it and at least my butt could look awesome, but I digress.) So instead of sharing and letting people share the burden, I have retreated and isoloated. Probably for the first time in my life. This is not my typical M.O. and I really didn't want to write it down and document that I have been mastering the art of isolation.

However, I tend to drive the truth bus when I talk to other people, so I am going to start driving it into myself. While it is currently easier to be alone, it really isn't good for me. I need to spend time with friends who are willing to seek me out and listen one more time when I tell them where I am honestly at. When I tell them that the feelings seem so much bigger than my logic. I know I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams (minus the good butt jeans...kidding), but for one reason or another there is something rooted deep in me that just feels like total crap and I'm still figuring out what it is.

If I haven't called in a while, or it seems like I've pulled away...I'm sorry and keep pursuing. I'm walking back, I just tend to rock the baby steps. I kinda think posts suck without pictues, so maybe this boring post will motivate me to upload some pictures to my new computer, or *gasp* take some new ones. :)

In Between

2011-05-08T11:11:00.000-07:00

I don't really like the in between. Fresh mowed grass = awesome. Long tall wild grass = awesome. The in between lawn that looks like it hasn't been mowed for weeks filled with dandelions...not so cool. Short spunky hair cut = awesome. Long luxurious locks = awesome. The in between "I'm growing my hair out and this middle stage sucks" = not awesome.

I'm finding it hard for me to sit and be content with my life at the moment because it still feels like one massive transition. I am a type A goal setter, always striving for the best, even when I have what is good. It is hard for me to slow down. As of late I feel that I am better at taking in the small moments and finding joy in the little things. However, the focus on the in between can crush me like a semi-truck because it makes me feel as though I am trapped. I love my job. I love nursing, and I love labor and delivery. I hate the hours that I work at. The eight hour night shift has taken a toll on my body and my emotions. I envy those who can swing the night shift and swing it well. I think it may be a good option once I have kids if I was able to do it part time, but in the mean time I feel like my body is revolting and I am continually only functioning at 70%. I need my other 30% back and I don't know what to do about it. I love the fast paced environment of the hospital and currently can't imagine myself working in an office, so we will see what transpires, but I feel like this is a transition because I don't think I can do this long term.

I feel like my marriage and small family life are in a transition as well. The hubs is is building a practice and not sure what will develop out of his contracted part time job. All of which is slightly unsettling for the planner in me. Not at all sure about our income over the next year...awesome. I have been wanting to start a family, but because I feel like I have no clue what the next 6 months of our lives will look like, I don't feel like it would be the responsible thing to do at this point. Another transition.

My extended family is in a large season of change. There are moves in many of our relative futures which would mess with me a little. We are a somewhat abnormal family that sees each other more than most. While these habits would still be maintainable, it would include a lot more drive time. Not a bad thing, just another transition and many prayers that the price of gas goes down. Bling Bling.

Very little feels settled at this time in our lives. I am trying to change my thought patterns and be in the moment while still searching and striving to find balance and solutions. Every now and then the ugly cry slips through and I realize the wealth of anxiety and fear that I bury throughout the week. We live a beautiful and blessed life that I wouldn't trade in for the world, but living in the in between is a big challenge for me. So I will try to focus on the beauty in the dandelions and maybe even make a crown out of them or make a wish when I blow off the seeds. Maybe the lawn will be mowed next week. My guess is that this is what life will always looks like, and I will have to give in to the unknown, knowing that there is a plan for my life and it is just an adventure I get to be a part of. Time to get some perspective.

The food and water challenge

2011-04-13T22:54:00.000-07:00

Some of my take aways from the food and water challenge around the halfway mark:
-I don't eat for the right reasons. I really want to eat sugary crap when I'm stressed out. I want to eat food because it tastes good and to satisfy an immediate desire, not because I am hungry. Instant gratification my friends
-As I write this post my stomach is growling and I've decided that rice and beans make oneself exceptionally gassy. T.M.I., yes, but I think about all the munchkins and their bloated bellies because of how hungry they are. It stinks a little to feel like this and they feel like this All.The.Time
-I keep wanting to cheat while I'm at work, using the excuse that I am not on my game and therefore not the best nurse I can be due to my growling belly. Truth is, when its super busy I don't eat anyways and I am definitely on my game. But I've thought about it and there are women all over the world giving birth and eating less that what I have eaten this week. That sucks.
-I no longer look forward to eating. I kind of dread it. Instead I look forward to sleeping...again wanting to immediately satisfy my body.
-It is easier to do things when they are done in community. If I was doing this challenge on my own, I would have cheated a long time ago. However, I have a meal planned for the first time I can eat other food with a bunch of friends who are also doing the challenge. I don't want to be "the cheater friend". We can savor that first bite together.
-Hunger is a feeling and I am bigger than my body. God can sustain me and I will be just fine.

I am honestly looking forward to eating some real food, not so much to make the hunger go away, but because they bland diet makes me want to ralph a little bit almost every time I eat. I'm glad I'm doing it and grateful to have made it this far on God's strength.

I'm Starving

2011-04-11T09:30:00.000-07:00

Not Really. I often use this phrase when I am really hungry, but it is a load of crap. If I was starving my belly would be bloated and I wouldn't have the energy to do my job or live my life. So I'm not starving. I'm uncomfortable and spoiled to the core.

This week our church is doing the 5 day food and water challenge. It sounds nice, but I have a love hate relationship with it. For five days I will eat solely a sustenance diet, and I will do it for less than a dollar a day. I will eat like the people who are truly on the verge of starvation, only I have the fat stores and Saturday to make up for it. So my meals will be oatmeal for breakfast and rice and beans for lunch and dinner. I can also drink tap water.

Thats it.

In years past I struggled more with lack of choices and the food "not sounding good" more so than being hungry. By Friday last year I don't think I even wanted to eat because if I ate one more bean I would surely puke it up. I find that I need the constant reminder of how good I have it because of where I was born. Is there poverty in America, you bet, but there are also drinking fountains. I can go to my faucet and drink water without worrying if I will get sick from it. I can open my cabinets and have multiple choices about what to make for dinner, and amazingly I usually don't want anything that I have (I usually want a hot fudge sundae from McDonalds for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but that is an addiction that I can talk about another day)...Now I really want that sundae. Dang it.

I'm salivating for fun.

So this week I will stand in solidarity with those who don't have a choice of meal. Who eat to survive and because they are truly hungry. I will get over myself this week and I will try to not get excited if I drop a few pounds doing it. When I eat that sundae Friday at midnight, it might not taste so sweet anymore because I will remember that there are people out there who don't eat like this as a challenge, but rather because it is their life. I hope and pray that God breaks my heart this week because His breaks on a daily basis for those who are truly starving. (Side note, whenever I type His I get that stupid Lady Gaga song in my head. I'm glad she could ruin writing about God for me just like this challenge can ruin my love of hot fudge sundaes.)

Ode to Craigslist

2011-04-10T14:53:00.000-07:00

Quick post about why I love craigslist.
-I've mastered the system. You want to sell something? I'll tell you how much you can get. I can also find the best bargains for purchasing (i.e. my $100 massive cute brown couch).
-We don't need more crap in the world. I'm becoming more and more fond of buying used and recycling my own stuff. As a society we are so wasteful. Now if only I could get my used stuff to come with a warranty and I would be totally set.
-I've met nice people. Andy who bought all the extra furniture in my basement today was a little off beat, but I'm excited for him and his wife and their new house in Portage Park. I hope they enjoy my bookshelf, coffee table, tv stand, and side table all for the awesome price of $95 dollars. What I didn't tell him was that I bought all of that stuff on craigslist for $100 a year ago. It was like paying a $5 rental fee for furniture for a six months. Pretty sweet deal to me.
-Speaking of nice people, the dresser that I repainted and sold on craigslist went to this really sweet couple who were using it in their nursery when their baby was born. They delivered at my hospital and I was their nurse. Small world, and the pictures of the nursery were super cute.
-I can get nicer stuff that I normally couldn't afford from a store.
-Because I didn't spend much on the front end I'm not terribly upset if something breaks. I also can turn around and sell it if our furniture needs change.
-The ikea crap is already assembled!
Here's a little run down on my craigslist purchases and sales because it will make me feel accomplished and toot my craigslist master horn:
When we moved into our old apartment I bought the large Ikea expedit shelving unit along with a grey pull-out couch. The couch was the one thing I've bought on craigslist and didn't really love (the girl was moving accross the country that day and I felt to bad saying no to her. I'm a sucker). Total $100 Sold the couch to our friends for $50 and am still using the bookshelf

Cherry kitchen table still in use: $125

Tall cherry kitchen cabinet still in use: $100

Butcher block: Bought for $50 Sold for $40
Sold a set of shelves that were a hand me down: $30
Sold two couches and a chair that were originally free hand me downs for a total of $120...hellllloooo profit
Dresser hand me down that I refinished and sold for $40
Bought my desk from $10, sold it for $20
Johnnys desk was a free hand me down, sold it for $20
And now I sold the furniture I bought for when we moved in here that ended up not really working in the space for $5 less than what I bought it for 6 months ago.

Not to mention we have found our two really great old apartments on craigslist.
I love craigslist almost as much as Johnny and bargains make me happy.

Being true to my crafty self

2011-04-10T14:33:00.000-07:00

Confession: I like to craft, decorate, and create things for significantly cheaper than I could buy them for... and I don't think I realized how much joy I took away from the projects I worked on. It seems generic in this Etsy filled world and I am pretty sure almost anyone could replicate my crafts. I also want to dabble more in photography like everyone else and their mother (and I think that wish comes from wanting to have awesome pictures of my kids one day and not having to pay anyone else to take them).
When we moved into the tiny-built-by-monkeys apartment I got rid of my desk and boxed up all of my lovely crafting goodies. Over the past few weeks we have been trying to make the apartment feel more like home and feel more livable so I have sold some of our furniture on craigslist and we have decided to turn basement into our office. Johnny and I struck a deal that I could spend money on a desk at ikea that I have been wanting if I could make enough selling our furniture first.
On a side note...I am totally a craigslist master. I may have missed my calling. Nursing is a nice profession, but Craigslist master sounds pretty tempting. Plan B I guess.
So I am starting to rearrange down in the depths of my apartment and I am feeling hopeful. I'm excited to break out all of my crafty crap and figure out some projects to work on, many of which I will probably never finish.
On a side note, I think my takeaway from this experience is to live in the here and now. I've left my apartment all packed up thinking that it would only be a year and wasn't worth my time and energy to really get settled. I was wrong. Where ever we move next, I want to get settled right away, and be true to the fact that I need a place that feels like home. I want to put picture on the wall and break out the sequins and the sewing machine.

Seed Pack Attack

2011-04-06T20:56:00.000-07:00

Tonight for Celebration of Hope I met up with my mom and sister to help pack seeds to make garden packs for families in Zimbabwe. In all honesty I didn't want to go. I didn't want to take the time to drive in traffic and do a serving event that sounded boring. I'm pretty much a terrible person. So I took time in the car to try to and refocus. To get beyond my wants and my needs. The event wasn't about me. It wasn't about having fun. It was about giving up my time and using the hands God has given me to simply run packages of seeds from table to table, so that they could be boxed up and shipped across the ocean and change lives. I think that in many areas of my life I need channel some more selflessness. I want my heart to break for the things that break God's. I want my life to be about more than me and my accomplishments.
So here are a couple pictures from the seed pack, an event that is much bigger than me.

Celebration of Hope

2011-04-06T14:12:00.000-07:00

I am lucky to live close to an amazing church. We go to Willow Creek in the Chicagoland area and we have attended at a couple of their different campuses. The caliber of teaching is unmatchable, the band is amazing, they offer ministries for people of all ages and in all stages of life. While all those things are necessary, what keeps me passionate about my church is their outreach to serve and love those who others have forgotten.
For the past couple of years they have done a month long series called "Celebration of Hope," where we focus our time, money, thoughts, prayers, etc on those in need. In past years we have focused on global poverty and for a good month I have my world turned upside down, and my perspective realigned. This year we are focusing on global, as well as local poverty, and again I can feel my heart begin to soften.
When they first talked about giving money towards local poverty, I was a bit put off. In my head there wasn't as much of a need in the Chicagoland area...at least in my head. While many people are not living on less than a dollar a day, the pastor pointed out the people that sleep in their cars in the back of the church parking lot because they have no where to sleep. People are hurting and struggling all around me and I keep one eye closed towards it. I hate the way it makes me feel... that mixture of hopelessness and guilt.
So for the next month I will let my heart be broken by the things that break God's. I will sit in the discomfort and remind myself that I serve a God of hope. I will spend some time eating like those who live on less than a dollar a day eat. I will pack seeds to be able to send to Africa to help families. I will realize and remember how much I am blessed with and try to figure out what God wants me to do with this one and only life.

Travel

2011-03-31T11:20:00.000-07:00

I've got the itch. The travel itch. All the time. Our recent trip to Marco Island didn't satisfy my travel needs, but rather just showed me what I was missing. I'm constantly stalking homeaway.com (where I should be entitled to free rentals since I have sent the website so many customers) to find last minute deals that seem too good to pass up. (My most recent "we need to stay here place" was in Maui). I fantasize and plan, and then Johnny comes home and slaps me in the face with reality. We are two young fools who went to grad school and racked up a good amount of student loans and multiple vacations in one year is probably not our best bet at this point in our life. In high school I always said I wanted to travel before I had kids. I think everyone says it. And it's true, and if you are fortunate enough to marry a rich man and make it to Italy and Greece prior to getting knocked up in your super dandy life, more power to you (and I am only slightly green with envy, like olive green).

However, that is not the world God has blessed me with and I need to get over it. We are waiting a bit longer to have kids due to finances and I don't think I want to push our finances back even farther for the sake of travel. Everything in moderation...or at least I need to find some balance. (Although I have to take vacation time at some point during this year, and I totally don't want to take that time to have a "staycation". Because in my head a staycation means that I should clean and organize my house or do something productive and that does not sound vacation time worthy to me in the least. So maybe we can plan a small trip somewhere that doesn't involve an airplane.)

Maybe one day I will be a world class traveler, or even just a mom who needs a break from her kids and has awesome grandparents that watch the kiddos so I can finally escape to Greece...or Maui...or New Zealand (Go big or go home??), but today I am trying to be grateful for where I'm at. Today I made it to the Dr.'s office, made egg salad and wrote a blog post before napping before work. Thats better than watching Dancing with the Stars all morning. Small victories.
So I am thankful for our trip to Marco and am posting some pictures to remember it :)

I like to fly, him...not so much

First sighting of palm trees!

Helllllooooooo Gulf of Mexico

Taking it all in and wondering why our families settled in the flat, cold, boring, midwest

Cheeseball city, but he humored me

We went somewhere on a plane together....WOO -Freaking- HOOOOOO

Goodmorning

Check out Johnnys choice of cup. This may have been where I explained what a babymoon was.

Wind in our faces, Salt in our eyes...it only burned a little.

You would smile too...

If you were looking at this

Beautiful Sunsets

I kinda like him

This was just before I had my freak out panic attack because I deleted the movie of us jetskiing with the dolphins. So it was the last picture taken so that I could recover it. I've watched it once since then and it wasn't quite as exciting or emotional as my panic attack.

Some good memories, and hopefully we can make some more in the future :)

Home

2011-03-27T20:19:00.000-07:00

You know that silly song from "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" that talks about "it feels like home to me"? I have that song in my head right now as I type this. I just don't feel at home, and it seems to be wearing on me. We moved into an apt/condo in the same building as some of our closest friends. Awesome. So great to be so close to them. However, the apt itself, while being updated and fancy looking, was laid out by a bunch of idiot monkeys. I have a kitchen that goes right into a living room, with no room for a t.v. and a kitchen table. And no coat or linen closet to speak of. I have a bedroom that is too small for a dresser, and a basement with two poles in the middle of it, leaving us only one way to set up out t.v....with our couch in the middle of the room. Not to mention the barking dog next door that never.shuts.up.
I want to say that I feel at home no matter where it is at, because I am with the hubs. However, thats not quite how I am feeling as of late. I think my surroundings really affect me. I am really bummed about spring coming and not being able to plant a garden this year. I miss our old apartment (I don't really miss the commute that would come with it). I miss having windows that face every direction so there was always sunlight in the house. I miss having an office/aka craft room that I could turn into a giant disaster when I felt like getting creative, and then close the door and leave it like that when I was done. I haven't sewn or made a thing since we moved, and that makes me really sad. I miss having more space than I need so that I can host awesome game nights and have lots of family over. I liked being a hostess and I don't feel like I can entertain here.
I totally feel like a whiner. I am not living in a shack or a dangerous neighborhood. In fact, its a rather well to do neighborhood, but for one reason or another, it just really doesn't feel like a good fit. So what am I to do? When our lease is up in August, I am pretty sure we will move closer to both of our jobs now that they are both further north and closer together. Do we try to stay by family? Do I try to find another two flat? Do I get over it and move into a smaller apt to be able to save more money to buy a home? I just don't know, but I am feeling super unsettled about it at the moment. What really makes a place feel like home?

A shot of out old apartment with some of the furniture I sold.

Maple was so good to us :)

Disney is good, Family is better

2011-03-26T11:40:00.000-07:00

Getting to Disney was a huge cluster (insert expletive here). I booked the plane tickets for the wrong week. Not even the right month. How does one do that you might ask... I have no flippin clue. Never again will I book a trip after working a night shift. So after multiple trips to the airport, sobbing at the check in desk, hugely raising the cost of my air fare, and about wanting to die because I had not slept in over 24 hours...I made it to Disney. And I was one frickin hot mess. I felt very loved by my family who put up even more money for me to come so that I could afford the new plane ticket. Was it the most responsible thing we have ever done, maybe not, but I do feel that God has a plan for everything and I wonder if I booked the wrong flight because otherwise I would have never been able to justify the money to go. Maybe I was meant to be there, to take in those moments with my family, to see my little sister who has moved across the country, and to appreciate the family I was blessed with. The first two days at Disney were overwhelming but great. I've decided that I am an off season vacationer. I would rather have cold weather and less hoards of people surrounding me. While my mom is in love with Disney World itself, I think I was much more in love with the time I got to spend with people. I like the mouse and all, but it was the continuous time with everyone that was precious.
It was crazy to see the difference a year made in the boys' experiences. No longer is there much thrill to the Peter Pan ride. Bigger is better...and comes with longer lines. I totally agree with them though, I would love to ride the Tower of Terror all the day long. I still love when G looks for hidden Mickeys around the park. He shrieks like he struck gold whenever he finds one. I tried to soak up the smiles and the love.
And then I soaked up an illness. I woke up Wednesday morning feverish and sick. Awesome. Doped up on Dayquill we made it through another day. While the rest of the trip was still fun, I about died on the ride home when I felt like my eardrum would surely burst with the decent of the plane.
So was it the perfect trip, not quite. But I got to see my family and share an experience with people I love. I got to watch my mom be in her element (she believes in Disney magic). So I'll take the good with the bad, and I'll try to work some extra shifts to recoup my losses. I've learned a lot about myself from this little trip, and I'll try to hold on to and remember the good.

Message in the sky

So grateful for her

Whole family

Sisters

Cheesy smiles

I had limited photos on my camera, but wanted to put up a few in case I don't get around to uploading the pictures from the others.
I also want to remember how grateful I am for how my husband responded as I called from the airport sobbing about my mistake. He was a voice of reason and support and someone I was so excited to come home to, even after only a couple of days.

STOKED

2011-03-19T15:08:00.000-07:00

Stoked: full of enthusiasm. Or at least that is what it currently says on the butt of my undies from old school American Eagle. I need to do some laundry.
Anyways
I booked a trip to Disney with my family, two days before they were scheduled to go. I was wallowing in my pity party about having to stay home for work and decided that if I could find a cheap enough flight, I would just bite the bullet and go even if it was only for a couple days. So I am living this week to the fullest. Working until 7 am Monday morning and being on my flight by 9:44 am. Traffic better cooperate. I then come back Friday morning and work the entire weekend.
I plan on needing a rest from my vacation. Mickey better watch out because I am on a mission: Suck as much life, love, and energy out of those four days as possible.
I am looking forward to a lot of this:

And time with these:

And nights like this:

Funny faces galore

Some sugared up monsters:

Good friends and family:

Coming home feeling like this:

It may not be the most responsible thing I have ever done, but it is about balance. And this fills me up and satisfies my soul. I so wish I could share this experience with the hubs, but we will have to find some soul satisfaction at the end of summer and in the meantime I am so grateful that he's gracefully allowing me to go.
Feeling beyond blessed today and can't wait to surprise my sisters at the Magic Kingdom.

I am

2011-03-19T14:51:00.000-07:00

In trying to discover who I am and who I want to be, I want to bring to light how I currently define myself. Granted some of the things listed below are true about me, but I don't know that I want to find my identity in these things.
When people currently ask me about myself I respond with:
-I am a nurse
-I am a wife
-I am a daughter
-I am a sister
-I am an over achiever
-I am a type A
-I am a Christian
-I am a good student
-I am crafty

Who do I want to be?
Secure in the fact that I am a child of God and loved and accepted for my heart and not my accomplishments.
A mother.
It sounds so simple, yet it took months for me to be able to say it out loud to my husband. For many years I have been focused on worldly accomplishments. Being a mother sounds so mundane. I get so focused on the money I invested in grad school and what I can accomplish my degree and my career, but I am continually unsatisfied. While I may be able to perform well at work and school, it doesn't speak to my soul. I leave every day craving more in my life. My mother, who knows me way to well, pointed out the fact that I am happiest in my relationships. It's so true. I feel filled up and satisfied when I am able to spend time and grow with the people I love...when I get to share experience and life with people. So people are wired to be successful in their careers. Lucky for me I chose a career I can fall back on. Right now I can continue to work as a Labor and Delivery nurse. I can serve my patients. I can start to toy around with the idea of having babies in the near future. And at that point, if I took a break from nursing, pending a look into our finances, or cut back on my hours...it would be OK. I wouldn't be less of a person, or less loved by those that matter to me. When my kids go to school I can again invest myself in this career that I love. It's a great career, but it doesn't need to define me. I may have fancy letters after my name, but ultimately, I am a child of God looking forward to raising children and loving them like there is no tomorrow. And that's OK.

Purpose

2011-03-17T12:19:00.000-07:00

I have a lot of ideas in my head about the type of person I want to be... but I would like to start to discover who I actually am. Previous attempts at blogging have been similar to my previous attempts at keeping a journal as a kiddo. I sucked at it. Writing takes time for me and doesn't really come naturally. However, I feel like I am at a place in my life where I am searching for some discipline. I would like to be able to chronical this stage of my life, within reason. I would like to get my thoughts down somewhere... so that in a year I can look back and realize what an idiot, or genius I was. I want to start to take pictures and have tangible memories. Ultimately, I would love for this blog to serve as a way for me to connect with others. I have read blogs over the past couple years and still find it totally creepy. Why is it so fascinating to know stuff about people I don't even know?!?

So, that is my purpose for this blog. Memories, Discipline, Connection. We will see what really happens :)